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More and more developing countries are expanding their tourist industries. Why is this? Is it a positive development? v.5

More and more developing countries are expanding their tourist industries. Why is this? Is it a positive development? v. 5
The tourism sector today is one of the biggest job creators. The impetus that the growing tourism industry provides to the economy has attracted many developing nations to focus on increasing revenue through this sector. I partially favor this development and this essay will discuss the reasons why the focus of governments has now shifted to the tourism sector followed by its positive and negative effects. To begin with, the tourism industry in developing nations has long remained in a shambolic state with little or no assistance provided by governments. However, there has been a paradigm shift in this approach and states are now focusing on tourism as a way to generate revenues to fill the coffers. Additionally, the visitors not only bring revenue to the state but also generate employment opportunities for the local population and increase the sales for local traders. There are nations who have for long leveraged the fruits of the healthy tourism sector. For instance, tourism in Switzerland contributes a large chunk to its GDP. Therefore, it is not surprising that governments across developing nations are trying to replicate the success of countries like Switzerland. However, there should be a fine balance between the growth in tourism and ecology. It should be the prerogative of the governments to help nature flourish between the thriving tourism industry. For instance, The Government in Nepal has taken a multi-million dollar initiate to clear Mt. Everest of trash. While tourist influx brings development and growth to the once neglected region, it takes a toll on the serendipity of the surroundings. A striking example of the perils of unchecked growth of tourists in a fragile landscape is the disaster of Kedarnath. Hence, it becomes far more important to maintain the ecological balance to avert any apocalypse while also creating more opportunities in this sector. To conclude, I would say that the fig leaf of the tourism industry should not be allowed to spoil the nature. Every government owns the responsibility of catering to the demand of the population while also taking initiatives to save the environment from deterioration.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is one of the biggest job creators. The impetus that the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
provides to the economy has attracted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to focus on increasing revenue through this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
. I
partially
favor this development and this essay will discuss the reasons why the focus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
shifted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
followed by its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
has long remained in a shambolic state with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no assistance provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
.
However
, there has been a paradigm shift in this approach and states are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
as a way to generate revenues to fill the coffers.
Additionally
, the visitors not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring revenue to the state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
generate employment opportunities for the local population and increase the sales for local traders. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
who have for long leveraged the fruits of the healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in Switzerland contributes a large chunk to its GDP.
Therefore
, it is not surprising that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
across developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are trying to replicate the success of countries like Switzerland.

However
, there should be a fine balance between the growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
and ecology. It should be the prerogative of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
nature flourish between the thriving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
For instance
, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
in Nepal has taken a multi-million dollar initiate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
Mt. Everest of trash. While tourist influx brings development and growth to the once neglected region, it takes a toll on the serendipity of the surroundings. A striking example of the perils of unchecked growth of tourists in a fragile landscape is the disaster of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kedarnath
.
Hence
, it becomes far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to maintain the ecological balance to avert any apocalypse while
also
creating more opportunities in this sector.

To conclude
, I would say that the fig leaf of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to spoil the nature. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
the responsibility of catering to the demand of the population while
also
taking initiatives to save the environment from deterioration.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more developing countries are expanding their tourist industries. Why is this? Is it a positive development? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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