Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

More and more developing are expanding their tourist industries. Why is this? Is it a positive development? v.1

More and more developing are expanding their tourist industries. Why is this? Is it a positive development? v. 1
Advance countries are focusing and extending their tourist industries over and over. Nowadays, there are no secrets that the vast majority of countries redirected their views to the tourism due to this sector brings significant money to overseas budget. However, tourism has some key factors which will increase the amount of visitors to the overseas or decrease. These days, clearly evident that tourist sector can get top place in the list where economy develop because of tourism and due to the amount of people who come to see the country. Moreover, developing tourism in the country opens variety work place for them who cannot find a job. Developing overseas, such as Turkey, Thailand, Egypt focuses more and more, hence the majority of income comes from tourism into country budget. Firstly, how tourist choose convenient country for a holiday, what criteria and requirement should be covered. In my point of view, that condition and services are crucial for human. If countries do not demonstrate good services and condition those countries will not get rely from tourist. Nevertheless, tourism sector can bring potentially grow up in education facilities. Local people can get change to improve knowledge, language due to flow of to international tourists. Although, people start to focus learning languages for getting nice job. In conclusion, tourism industries provide many advantages as for countries as for local people. Consequently, if humans will use current sector for right way the economy of the countries will be increased dramatically and have reached top developed countries in the world.
Advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are focusing and extending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
industries over and over. Nowadays, there are no secrets that the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
redirected their views to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
brings significant money to overseas budget.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
key factors which will increase the amount of visitors to the overseas or decrease.

These days,
clearly
evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
top place in the list where economy develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
and due to the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
opens variety work place for them who cannot find a job. Developing overseas, such as Turkey, Thailand, Egypt focuses more and more,
hence
the majority of income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
budget.
Firstly
, how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
choose convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for a holiday, what criteria and requirement should
be covered
. In my point of view, that condition and services are crucial for human. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not demonstrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
services and condition those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
The verb 'to rely' requires the preposition '(up)on': "rely on".
rely
from tourist.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
can bring
potentially
grow up in education facilities. Local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
knowledge, language due to flow of to international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to focus learning languages for getting nice job.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industries provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages as for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as for local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, if humans will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
for right way the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will
be increased
dramatically
and have reached top developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more developing are expanding their tourist industries. Why is this? Is it a positive development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts