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More and more companies are allowing employees to work at home. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.12

More and more companies are allowing employees to work at home. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 12
With the advent of the computer and the widespread use of the internet, people have changed the way they perform everyday tasks. An increasing number of corporations believe in letting employees work full-time or part-time from home and thousands of people are doing freelancing to earn their livings. The following essay will discuss the pros and cons sides over this change. A recent poll shows that people lose self-control and discipline easily while they perform professional work via telecommuting. Because people are given more freedoms to deal with the tasks and without a strict deadline, they often mixed their professional attitude with their personal life. They often lie to their employers and thus perform poorly. On the contrary, imagine that there is no one looking over your shoulder and enforcing strict hours and because of that you may feel tempted to work endlessly. That can strongly influence your working effectively.   Therefore, there are other issues emerged that employees can't get along well with others since everyone just concentrating on their missions and it's easy to be overlooked. Nevertheless, other people propose that the argument above is merely a one-sided story, by working at home you save on many hidden costs associated with going to work. These include costs of commuting, car purchasing, fuel costs, and parking spots as well. Moreover, flexible time and comfortable workplace provides employees more inspirations and creatively, since thinking out of the box is essential for those who work in advertising companies, IT firms and in other fields of works that require creativity. Without the stresses and strict monitoring from the office, working independently in their own preferred environment at their own pace, professionals are often a lot happier and a lot more productive. In conclusion, it depends on companies current situations to consider whether to allow employees work from home or not. For my view, as a designer, I prefer to work from home since it gives me more inspirations and freedom.
With the advent of the computer and the widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way they perform everyday tasks. An increasing number of corporations believe in letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
full-time or part-time from home and thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going freelancing".
doing freelancing
to earn their livings. The following essay will discuss the pros and cons sides over this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

A recent poll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose self-control and discipline
easily
while they perform professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
via telecommuting.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more freedoms to deal with the tasks and without a strict deadline, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
mixed their professional attitude with their personal life. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lie to their employers and
thus
perform
poorly
.

On the contrary
, imagine that there is no one looking over your shoulder and enforcing strict hours and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that you may feel tempted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
endlessly
. That can
strongly
influence your working
effectively
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Therefore
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
issues emerged that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along well with others since everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "concentrates", "concentrated".
concentrating
on their missions and it's easy to
be overlooked
.

Nevertheless
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
propose that the argument above is
merely
a one-sided story, by working at home you save on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hidden costs associated with going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. These include costs of commuting, car purchasing, fuel costs, and parking spots
as well
.
Moreover
, flexible time and comfortable workplace provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
more inspirations and
creatively
, since thinking out of the box is essential for those who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, IT firms and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields of works that require creativity. Without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
and strict monitoring from the office, working
independently
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
preferred environment at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pace, professionals are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a lot happier and a lot more productive.

In conclusion
, it depends on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situations to consider whether to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home or not. For my view, as a designer, I prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home since it gives me more inspirations and freedom.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more companies are allowing employees to work at home. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 12

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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