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These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v.5

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v. 5
It is true that nowadays more men are looking after their children at home while more women have become responsible for the family’s financial aspects. There are many reasons for this, and I believe that it is a negative trend. The main reason for this phenomenon is related to social factors. By this, I mean that the equality between male and female in the modern society has opened the door for more women to gain qualifications and to get good opportunities at work. For illustration, women who work as a nurse or a doctor receive a large sum of money compared to men who work in other fields. These reveals a structure change in gender roles in the family and at work. Another cause for more men to do housework is the economic crisis of present era. Financial problems inside the family force parents to going out and looking for a job to be able to cover the living cost. In my opinion, this is completely contrary development. Firstly, in many cultures men are considered to be the breadwinner for the family and women should do the upbringing of children. Secondly, kids should stay longer with their mother; this is what is suggested by researchers in a recent study. They have approved that children who left their first five years for a long time deteriorated at school, later on, suffer mental stress than youngsters whose mothers stay at home to look after them. In conclusion, fathers’ position in the family has significantly changed due to many reasons, and I believe that it is a totally unacceptable development.
It is true that nowadays more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are looking after their children at home while more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have become responsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
financial aspects. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this, and I believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend.

The main reason for this phenomenon
is related
to social factors. By this, I mean that the equality between male and female in the modern society has opened the door for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to gain qualifications and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunities at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. For illustration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a nurse or a doctor receive a large sum of money compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in other fields. These reveals a structure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in gender roles in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Another cause for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
to do housework is the economic crisis of present era. Financial problems inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
force parents to
Did you mean "go"?
going
out and looking for a job to be able to cover the living cost.

In my opinion, this is completely contrary development.
Firstly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are considered
to be the breadwinner for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should do the upbringing of children.
Secondly
, kids should stay longer with their mother; this is what
is suggested
by researchers in a recent study. They have approved that children who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their
first
five years for a long time deteriorated at school, later on, suffer mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
than youngsters whose mothers stay at home to look after them.

In conclusion
, fathers’ position in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons, and I believe that it is a
totally
unacceptable development.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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