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More and more businesses as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than being face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating. v.2

More and more businesses as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than being face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating. v. 2
In this fast moving world, people are relying on technology more than ever. This can be seen in the way people communicate with each other these days either personally or professionally. Trends have changed from being in person for discussions to online chatting or phone calls. While this offers various advantages there are some disadvantages worth considering. To being with there are two major advantages of talking via messaging or calls. Firstly, for business professionals it saves time and is more precise. Going up to a person takes time and sometimes it also requires warming up the conversation, which leads to a discussion and hence takes up a lot of time. However sending a message via any instant message service provider or taking a call via skype saves time and useless discussions can be avoided. Furthermore, this stands true for personal conversations as well. Talking on phone or messages is more easier and saves times rather than face to face. For example, the discomfort of leaving your personal space can be avoided by dropping a message or by calling the person. On the other hand, always communicating via technology have various drawbacks as well. To start with, there is a higher risk of miscommunication via messaging as people can misread the emotions behind the text. This can lead to bitterness in the business or personal relations. Additionally, an individual can loose the confidence of speaking in front of people, which affects the individual’s personality and eventually leads to mental stress. In other words, it affects the health of the person. In conclusion, communicating via technology has both benefits and drawbacks, be it personal or professional. On one side, a lot of time can be saved by having precise conversations, while on other, the risk of miscommunication is higher alongwith the affects on mental health.
In this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
moving world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are relying on technology more than ever. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
these days either
personally
or
professionally
. Trends have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from being in person for discussions to online chatting or phone calls.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
Did you mean "these"?
this
offers various advantages there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages worth considering.

To being with there are two major advantages of talking via messaging or calls.
Firstly
, for business professionals it saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and is more precise. Going up to a person takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it
also
requires warming up the conversation, which leads to a discussion and
hence
takes up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
sending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
via any instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
service provider or taking a call via skype saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and useless discussions can
be avoided
.
Furthermore
, this stands true for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
conversations
as well
. Talking on phone or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
messages
is
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
and saves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
rather
than face to face.
For example
, the discomfort of leaving your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
space can
be avoided
by dropping a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
message
or by calling the person.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, always communicating via technology have various drawbacks
as well
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there is a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of miscommunication via messaging as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can misread the emotions behind the text. This can lead to bitterness in the business or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
relations.
Additionally
, an individual can
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
the confidence of speaking in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which affects the individual’s personality and
eventually
leads to mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it affects the health of the person.

In conclusion
, communicating via technology has both benefits and drawbacks, be it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
or professional. On one side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
be saved
by having precise conversations, while on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of miscommunication is higher
Possible spelling mistake found.
alongwith
the affects on mental health.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more businesses as well as individuals are choosing to communicate either professionally or socially using technology rather than being face to face. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology for communicating. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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