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Many people these days have computer, laptops, telephone at their home for work. Do you think, working from home has more advantages or disadvantages? v.2

Many people these days have computer, laptops, telephone at their home for work. Do you think, working from home has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 2
The trend of working at home is increasingly being witnessed these days due to the technological development such as laptops and mobile phones. Although working at home enables us to fit our hectic schedules, it can also lead to lack of communication and interaction with colleagues. In my opinion, the positive points of working from home surpass the negative aspects. The crucial beneficial factor of having the opportunity to work at home is that we can have more flexible working hours as people tend to work hard to cement their positions in the fast-paced changing work environment so it can help us to maintain a work-life balance. To illustrate, a recent study conducted in Japan has revealed that nearly 80% of employees believe that working at home is more convenient and efficient compare to the traditional ways. As can be seen, this advantage has a profound impact on the employees. However, every coin has two sides. The main challenge of working at home is that people won’t have many opportunities to socialize with their workmates which is detrimental to the organization as creating and maintaining a good working environment is significant for generating more revenues. Take myself for example, I tend to put in my best effort to work when I trust my co-workers and enjoy the working environment. For this reason, it could be harmful for the business without the proper guidance. To sum up, people’s opinion seems to differ as to whether or not we should work at home. I’m inclined to say that the overall benefits of working at home are superior.
The trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home is
increasingly
being witnessed
these days due to the technological development such as laptops and mobile phones. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home enables us to fit our hectic schedules, it can
also
lead to lack of communication and interaction with colleagues. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home surpass the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.

The crucial beneficial factor of having the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home is that we can have more flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to cement their positions in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to maintain a work-life balance. To illustrate, a recent study conducted in Japan has revealed that
nearly
80% of employees believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home is more convenient and efficient compare to the traditional ways. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, this advantage has a profound impact on the employees.

However
, every coin has two sides. The main challenge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
won’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to socialize with their workmates which is detrimental to the organization as creating and maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment is significant for generating more revenues. Take myself
for example
, I tend to put in my best effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when I trust my co-workers and enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment.
For this reason
, it could be harmful for the business without the proper guidance.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s opinion seems to differ
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
as to whether or not
we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home. I’m inclined to say that the
overall
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home are superior.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people these days have computer, laptops, telephone at their home for work. Do you think, working from home has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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