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Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individual responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.6

Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individual responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 6
Who is responsible for limiting people’s sugar consumption has become a hot topic of discussion these days. Some people perceive that governments have the responsibility to do this while others believe that it is individual duty to control themselves to eat less sugar. In this essay, I shall discuss both perspectives in detail before reaching a final verdict that both perspectives hold equal significance. There are various compelling reasons why governments have the responsibility to do this and the prominent one is that authorities have the compulsive administrative power which enables them to launch numerous programs on a national level to raise public awareness and introduce new legislations to limit manufactures sugar production. To illustrate, local governments can force companies to put labels on the packages as a warning that eating too much sugar is detrimental to your health. For these reasons, it is significant to have administrative body’s participation. However, some oppose this notion and says that every one of us are accountable for decreasing the amount of sugar we intake as we need to realize that sugar leads to many diseases such as diabetes and acnes so it is essential for us to limit our sugar consumption if we want to keep us fit and healthy. Take myself for example, my pimples are getting better because I followed doctor’s advices that avoiding sugary products such as cokes and cakes. As can be seen, it is also beneficial for us to control sugar consumptions. To sum up, people’s opinion towards who has the duty to reduce the amount of sugar we consume is various. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that it should be a combined effort of both individuals and authorities and a close collaboration of both can really make a difference.
Who is responsible for limiting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption has become a hot topic of discussion these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
perceive that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have the responsibility to do this while others believe that it is individual duty to control themselves to eat less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
. In this essay, I shall discuss both perspectives in detail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a final verdict that both perspectives hold equal significance.

There are various compelling reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have the responsibility to do this and the prominent one is that authorities have the compulsive administrative power which enables them to launch numerous programs on a national level to raise public awareness and introduce new
Possible spelling mistake found.
legislations
to limit manufactures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
production. To illustrate, local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to put labels on the packages as a warning that eating too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is detrimental to your health. For these reasons, it is significant to have administrative body’s participation.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
oppose this notion and says that every one of us are accountable for decreasing the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
we intake as we need to realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases such as diabetes and
Possible spelling mistake found.
acnes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is essential for us to limit our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption if we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
us fit and healthy. Take myself
for example
, my pimples are getting better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I followed doctor’s advices that avoiding sugary products such as cokes and cakes. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, it is
also
beneficial for us to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s opinion towards who has the duty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
we consume is various. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that it should be a combined effort of both individuals and authorities and a close collaboration of both can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individual responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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