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More and more animal species are becoming extinct by human activities in land and sea. What are the reasons? How to solve? v.2

More and more animal species are becoming extinct by human activities in land and sea. What are the reasons? How to solve? v. 2
The extinction of many animal species caused by human exploitation has become a concerning matter nowadays. There are several reasons for this severe problem. However, a few solutions could be taken to tackle this issue. To begin with, two main reasons could be accounted for the vanishing of wild animals by human activities. This first reason is that the demanding of fresh meat supply is increasing daily due to the development of food industry. Since the products made of meat have increased to an uncountable number, private companies need to deal with animal hunters to get more supply. Thus, it will lead to the decreasing in number of animal species. The second reason is that the trend of killing wild lives for entertainment is currently popular in a particular group of people. For instance, many successful entrepreneurs or politicians like to spend their leisure time in the weekends to hunt wild animals, which will also damage the amount of the existing species. Fortunately, two method could be taken to deal with the aforementioned behaviors of human. Firstly, the governments could enact laws that restrict the mass production of meat, which consequently prevents the over-exploitation on animals. For example, Vietnamese Congress has established a law that forced food companies to use other alternative materials by only allowing to use under 100 tons of fresh meat a year. Secondly, educating people to recognize the importance of wild lives should also be considered. This could be achieved by pushing more lessons in schools or investing in advertisement. In conclusion, human activities are indeed having a bad impact on the lives of existing animal species for a few reasons. However, several solutions could be considered to face this problem.
The extinction of
many
animal
species caused by
human
exploitation has become a concerning matter nowadays. There are several
reasons
for this severe problem.
However
, a few solutions could
be taken
to tackle this issue.

To
begin
with, two main
reasons
could
be accounted
for the vanishing of wild
animals
by
human
activities. This
first
reason
is that the demanding of fresh
meat
supply is increasing daily due to the development of food industry. Since the products made of
meat
have increased to an uncountable number, private
companies
need to deal with
animal
hunters to
get
more supply.
Thus
, it will lead to the decreasing in number of
animal
species. The second
reason
is that the trend of killing wild
lives
for entertainment is
currently
popular in a particular group of
people
.
For instance
,
many
successful entrepreneurs or politicians like to spend their leisure time in the weekends to hunt wild
animals
, which will
also
damage the amount of the existing species.

Fortunately
, two method could
be taken
to deal with the aforementioned behaviors of
human
.
Firstly
, the
governments
could enact laws that restrict the mass production of
meat
, which
consequently
prevents
the over-exploitation on
animals
.
For example
, Vietnamese Congress has established a law that forced food
companies
to
use
other alternative materials by
only
allowing to
use
under 100 tons of fresh
meat
a year.
Secondly
, educating
people
to recognize the importance of wild
lives
should
also
be considered
. This could
be achieved
by pushing more lessons in schools or investing in advertisement.

In conclusion
,
human
activities are
indeed
having a
bad
impact on the
lives
of existing
animal
species for a few
reasons
.
However
, several solutions could
be considered
to face this problem.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more animal species are becoming extinct by human activities in land and sea. What are the reasons? How to solve? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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