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Some young people believe it’s best to move out of their hometowns when they become adults, while others wish to live in their hometowns their whole lives. v.3

Some young people believe it’s best to move out of their hometowns when they become adults, while others wish to live in their hometowns their whole lives. v. 3
Firstly, when people change their hometown, they have new oportunities in ther lifes. As well as, meet a new culture with different lifestyles and custons. Sometimes it can be very shocking but at the end, it became you a more opened person. Futhermore, in this new culture people sometimes have the challenge to learn and speak a new lenguage, which makes you a more complete and competitive professional. Also, change your country, can help you to improve you lifestyle. If the new country has a high level of life, you and your family can enjoy it and grow up in that enviroment. On the other hand, many people prefer to stay in their hometowns. One of the reason are emotional stuff. And they stay to follow the relationship with their relatives and give a familiar enviroment to their children, staying with their relatives closer. Besides, other people choose to stay to develop their carees in a place that they already know. Continue working in the same job and buils a future plan. Sometimes when you change your hometown is not clear in wich area you will work. To sum up, in my personal opinion is very possitive to change your hometown for a time, maybe two or three years, and have the opportunity to live abroad and learn about a new culture. But at the end of that experience, is good return to your city to develop a family next to your relatives. For me the emotional part is the most important.
Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
, they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
oportunities
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
ther
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
.
As well
as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
lifestyles and
Possible spelling mistake found.
custons
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
shocking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it became you a more opened person.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have the challenge to learn and speak a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Possible spelling mistake found.
lenguage
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you a more complete and competitive professional.

Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
your country, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
you lifestyle. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
country has a high level of life, you and your family can enjoy it and grow up in that
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to stay in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometowns
. One of the reason are emotional stuff. And they stay to follow the relationship with their relatives and give a familiar
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
to their children, staying with their relatives closer.

Besides
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to stay to develop their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "cares", the plural form of the noun 'care'?
carees
in a place that they already know. Continue working in the same job and
Possible spelling mistake found.
buils
a future plan.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
wich
area you will work.

To sum up, in my personal opinion is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Possible spelling mistake found.
possitive
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hometown
for a time, maybe two or three years, and have the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
abroad and learn about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of that experience, is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
return to your city to develop a family
next
to your relatives. For me the emotional part is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some young people believe it’s best to move out of their hometowns when they become adults, while others wish to live in their hometowns their whole lives. v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
252 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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