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Monitoring or observing children while they are playing with their friends is an effective way to solve children's misbehavior problem. v.1

Monitoring or observing children while they are playing with their friends is an effective way to solve children's misbehavior problem. v. 1
By the development of any country, some people tend to try to study abroad in order to extend their knowledge. However, others believe that it is essential for their own countries good to be educated where they grew in order to get ready for starting that job in their own country. In this essay, I am going to shed some light on both these views, also I am going to give my own opinion. On one hand, obviously, people are all willing to seek the best education and career that exists, which is why some people try to get funds in other countries universities. Without a doubt, it is crucial to get to study in high rank faculties, Harvard university, for instance. Moreover, this trend will benefit not only did one who studied abroad, but also the whole country. In other words, the person who had the chance to expand their knowledge and education in the best institutes, gets to have the opportunity to come back to their country and help the country to advance. On the other hand, in contrast to what I mentioned before, there is another group who preferred to study in their own country, to be prepared for a career or their future. Definitely, these people all have their goals set on their job and not just education. This belief is also potential for the one who is willing to get a great opportunity in their field and also their society. Although, the one who wants to study at home would not get the chance to explore other countries and cultures, they also will not get to experience the things that may happen in abroad and not in their hometown. Despite the fact that, staying home and being with your family and friends and studying might be the easiest choice, I myself would prefer to apply to other developed countries both for studying and meeting new acquaintances. Furthermore, it would not be easy to adapt yourself with all circumstances, however, I think it's worth the risk. In conclusion, it is a very personal decision to make whether you want to extend your knowledge and deal with ups and downs or stay in your home town and have a simple ordinary life and job.
By the development of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
abroad in order to extend their knowledge.
However
, others believe that it is essential for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
be educated
where they grew in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready for starting that job in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In this essay, I am going to shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on both these views,
also
I am going to give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

On one hand,
obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are all willing to seek the best education and career that exists, which is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
funds in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
universities. Without a doubt, it is crucial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in high rank faculties,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Harvard university
,
for instance
.
Moreover
, this trend will benefit not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
studied abroad,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had the chance to expand their knowledge and education in the best institutes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to have the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to advance.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
in contrast
to what I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, there is another group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
preferred to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, to
be prepared
for a career or their future. Definitely, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all have their goals set on their job and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
education. This belief is
also
potential for the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a great opportunity in their field and
also
their society. Although, the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at home would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and cultures, they
also
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to experience the things that may happen in abroad and not in their hometown.

Despite the fact that, staying home and being with your family and friends and studying might be the easiest choice, I myself would prefer to apply to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
both for studying and meeting new acquaintances.
Furthermore
, it would not be easy to adapt yourself with all circumstances,
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's worth the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

In conclusion
, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
personal decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
whether you want to extend your knowledge and deal with ups and downs or stay in your home town and have a simple ordinary life and job.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Monitoring or observing children while they are playing with their friends is an effective way to solve children's misbehavior problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
377 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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