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Money should be spent on creating new public buildings such as museums or town halls rather than renovating the existing ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Money should be spent on creating new public buildings such as museums or town halls rather than renovating the existing ones. v. 3
It is inevitable that financing is an important element in fulfilling any kind of activities. But I strongly believe that any allocated budget should be utilized to build the national buildings rather renovating the old-one. To begin, Spending money on the construction of the new public structure helps to remind the heritage of a country. What mean that creating any national structure, particularly the museum, which usually preserve the antic items in that area for so many years, so that the local inhabitants could know the past history of their ancestor. Public often find the essence of the past to see the various items kept in the museum. To illustrate, generally all museums in any country have been existed to represent the historical documentaries as because of bringing back to the past. Therefore, the financing of the government building is advantageous. Moreover, Setting up the community houses by significant expenditure would be a recreational place. More clearly, government can take an initiative to construct a park, where people can gather for a moment with their family so that they feel relaxed, and it will also enhance emotional attachment among the community members. Past experience told that various renowned movement started from this type of mass gatherings at the community places. Thus, expending money on the new government habitant is benefited. To conclude, construction of new historical buildings by spending expenditure is logical, but I strongly argue for the new community house construction because it has enormous benefits.
It is inevitable that financing is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
element in fulfilling any kind of activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
strongly
believe that any allocated budget should
be utilized
to build the national buildings
rather
renovating the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-one.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, Spending money on the construction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
public structure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to remind the heritage of a country. What mean that creating any national structure,
particularly
the museum, which
usually
preserve the antic items in that area for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the local inhabitants could know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
history of their ancestor. Public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find the essence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the various items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in the museum. To illustrate,
generally
all museums in any country have
been existed
to represent the historical documentaries as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of bringing back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
Therefore
, the financing of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
building is advantageous.

Moreover
, Setting up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
by significant expenditure would be a recreational place. More
clearly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can take an initiative to construct a park, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can gather for a moment with their family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they feel relaxed, and it will
also
enhance emotional attachment among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
members.
Consider using "experience".
Past experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that various renowned movement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from this type of mass gatherings at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
places.
Thus
, expending money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
habitant
is benefited
.

To conclude
, construction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
historical buildings by spending expenditure is logical,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
argue for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
construction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has enormous benefits.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Money should be spent on creating new public buildings such as museums or town halls rather than renovating the existing ones. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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