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Money should be spent on creating new public buildings such as museums or town halls rather than renovating the existing ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Money should be spent on creating new public buildings such as museums or town halls rather than renovating the existing ones. v. 4
Preservation of heritage is an essential component of a nation’s history. In this regard, it is argued that funds should be consumed on constructing new structures instead of refurbishing the current ones. I agree with this statement as, the new buildings can house the ancient remaining and periodic maintenance will not be needed. With regards to accommodation of ancient remaining, building of new museums is the best option. To elaborate it further, museums are popular all over the world as a source of preservation of a nation's history and civilization. Furthermore, these museums will be a source of attraction not only for the local folks but can also attract foreigner tourists. Moreover, the influx of tourists from abroad will further add to the economy of the country and thus the country would become popular in the region. This shows that if new public buildings are built, it would attract more visitors. With regards to the periodic maintenance, the new construction would be a one time investment for building of sustainable structures. To explain it further, since the new buildings would be built using the modern technology and durable material, so any extra expenditure of budget for upkeep would not be needed. Moreover, uninterrupted services will be provided by the museums, as there would not by any closure or breaks for maintenance purposes. As a result, more and more visitors will be attracted towards it without any interruption. For instance, the number of visitors in the newly opened museum in Peshawar is almost double as compared to that of the old one. In conclusion, it is agreed that funds should be allocated for the manufacture of new public buildings instead of restoring the old ones, as this the new building will preserve the remaining of a nation's heritage well and would be a one time investment. Therefore it is recommended that such budget should be specified new construction only.
Preservation of heritage is an essential component of a nation’s history. In this regard, it
is argued
that funds should
be consumed
on constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
structures
instead
of refurbishing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
the ancient remaining and periodic maintenance will not
be needed
.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
accommodation of ancient remaining,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is the best option. To elaborate it
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are popular all over the world as a source of preservation of a nation's history and civilization.
Furthermore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will be a source of attraction not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the local folks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
attract foreigner tourists.
Moreover
, the influx of tourists from abroad will
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the economy of the country and
thus
the country would become popular in the region. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are built
, it would attract more visitors.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the periodic maintenance, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
construction would be a one time investment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
of sustainable structures. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
would
be built
using the modern technology and durable material,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
any extra expenditure of budget for upkeep would not
be needed
.
Moreover
, uninterrupted services will
be provided
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, as there would not
Did you maybe mean "buy" or "be"?
by
any closure or breaks for maintenance purposes.
As a result
, more and more visitors will
be attracted
towards it without any interruption.
For instance
, the number of visitors in the
newly
opened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in Peshawar is almost double as compared to that of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
one.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that funds should
be allocated
for the manufacture of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
instead
of restoring the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, as this the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
will preserve the remaining of a nation's heritage well and would be a one time investment.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it
is recommended
that such budget should
be specified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
construction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Money should be spent on creating new public buildings such as museums or town halls rather than renovating the existing ones. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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