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Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than the others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v.6

Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than the others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v. 6
Money plays an important role in our life. By contrast, many people believe that money is the most value than everything in their life. In my point of view, money is essential, but money is only a small part of many things responsible for controlling our lives. In my opinion, the best way to use money is to invest in myself. When people have knowledge and position, they will know how to make money from everything. For example, learning more foreign languages and soft skills will help them reach more people and cultures around the world, especially will have more job opportunities in the future. Therefore, raising knowledge is extremely important. Knowing how to use money will help them have more opportunities and relationships in life. For example, when having problems in their life, money, and relationships will make their work more smooth and convenient. Having money helps people take care of their family' s health better. For example, they can take their family out to tighten family bonds. Using the money to help their child enjoy a progressive and comprehensive education. On the other hands, money is very important in people' s lives, but money is not everything. Money cannot buy happiness. For example, when people are busy earning money to have a better life and forgetting to spend time with their families and children, the child will lose their affection for them. In addition, health is one of the most important factors, when people grow old, they will clearly feel how much health is more important than money when facing life and death. For example, They have cancer of the marrow but can not cure the disease, although they have a lot of money. And when people die, they can not bring money with them. Therefore, health is very important and must be practiced daily. In conclusion, money is a very important thing in people’s lives, but money is not everything. We need to know how to equal best among money, happiness, health and many others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
plays an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. By contrast,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most value than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things responsible for controlling our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In my opinion, the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is to invest in myself. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have knowledge and position, they will know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, learning more foreign languages and soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them reach more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and cultures around the world,
especially
will have more job opportunities in the future.
Therefore
, raising knowledge is
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. Knowing how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them have more opportunities and relationships in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, when having problems in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, and relationships will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their work more smooth and convenient. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take care of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
family&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
better. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, they can take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
out to tighten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds. Using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
their child enjoy a progressive and comprehensive education.

On the other hands,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
happiness. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and forgetting to spend time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and children, the child will lose their affection for them.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
factors, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they will
clearly
feel how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and death. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, They have cancer of the marrow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can not cure the disease, although they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. And when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
, they can not bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with them.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be practiced
daily.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
. We need to know how to equal best among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, happiness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
64Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Money is important in most people's lives. Although some people think it is more important than the others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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