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Money is important in most people’s lives. However, some people think it is more important than other things. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v.2

Money is important in most people’s lives. However, some people think it is more important than other things. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v. 2
People hold different views on the role that money can play in achieving a happy and successful life. While it seems crucial to realize the right uses of money, I admit that there are other important factors that can bring happiness to individuals. On the one hand, people pursue different tasks to make a living; however, it is necessary that the money earned be spent wisely. First and foremost, money is primarily expected to bring peace and comfort to a family by providing basic needs including, but not limited to, food, shelter, and clothing. Also, financially successful families find it easier to enjoy travelling and planning recreational activities that can fill their time with rapture. Therefore, although a judicious amount of money is essential, it is also true that families should consider financial planning. A happy life, however, can be defined in many other ways. Take, for example, an affluent family who decides to give away their dream house or to donate to charity. Not only can such philanthropic acts contribute to societal welfare of the poor, it can also create a sense of satisfaction in the donor. Also, to many, a good life is replete with academic achievements. Receiving a degree or furthering education in a well-famed institution is more intellectually rewarding than winning a prize. Ultimately, a good life can come with a healthy balance between work commitments and social life. In summary, while I completely agree that money is vital to the well-being of every human being, material possessions should not be viewed as the determining factors in buying happiness.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on the role that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can play in achieving a happy and successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While it seems crucial to realize the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I admit that there are other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors that can bring happiness to individuals.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
pursue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tasks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living;
however
, it is necessary that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
earned
be spent
wisely
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
primarily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to bring peace and comfort to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
by providing basic needs including,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not limited to, food, shelter, and clothing.
Also
,
financially
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
find it easier to enjoy travelling and planning recreational activities that can fill their time with rapture.
Therefore
, although a judicious amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is essential, it is
also
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should consider financial planning.

A happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
however
, can
be defined
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ways. Take,
for example
, an affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
who decides to give away their dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or to donate to charity. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can such philanthropic acts contribute to societal welfare of the poor, it can
also
create a sense of satisfaction in the donor.
Also
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is replete with academic achievements. Receiving a degree or furthering education in a well-famed institution is more
intellectually
rewarding than winning a prize.
Ultimately
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a healthy balance between work commitments and social life.

In summary, while I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is vital to the well-being of every human being, material possessions should not
be viewed
as the determining factors in buying happiness.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Money is important in most people’s lives. However, some people think it is more important than other things. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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