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Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v.1

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v. 1
Modern technology with its advantages and disadvantages has changed today’s world enormously. Communication allows people all over the world to stay in contact with each other. For instance, I can easily exchange e-mails with a good friend of mine who recently had to move back to her mother country, Malaysia. Furthermore, if I have to make a really important decision or something is bothering me, I simply have to press the buttons on my mobile phone in order to ask my parents or a good friend for advice. Additionally, technology remarkably contributes towards making everyday procedures more convenient as well as helping to transmit messages rapidly. For example, an appointment that cannot be met due to an unexpected incident can quickly be cancelled by writing a text message or, in terms of business, employees can send an e-mail cancelling or postponing a meeting which will be received within seconds by their business partners. While improvements in technology are, to a large extent, helpful, they do have a disadvantageous side to them. The most significant disadvantage is the westernisation of traditional cultures, which we can see in the growing number of fast food outlets for example. We can also see this in the way that foreign words are being incorporated into local languages. On the whole, I agree to a great extent that technology is bringing people closer together and this can only be a good thing, but the disadvantage is that people may take ideas from other cultures and forget their own traditions
Modern
technology
with its advantages and disadvantages has
changed
today
’s world
enormously
. Communication
allows
people
all over the world to stay in contact with each other.
For instance
, I can
easily
exchange e-mails with a
good
friend of mine who recently had to
move
back to her mother country, Malaysia.
Furthermore
, if I
have to
make
a
really
important
decision or something is bothering me, I
simply
have to
press the buttons on my mobile phone in order to ask my parents or a
good
friend for advice.

Additionally
,
technology
remarkably
contributes towards making everyday procedures more convenient
as well
as helping to transmit messages
rapidly
.
For example
, an appointment that cannot
be met
due to an unexpected incident can
quickly
be cancelled
by writing a text message or, in terms of business, employees can
send
an e-mail cancelling or postponing a meeting which will
be received
within seconds by their business partners.

While improvements in
technology
are, to a large extent, helpful, they do have a disadvantageous side to them. The most significant disadvantage is the
westernisation
of traditional cultures, which we can
see
in the growing number of
fast
food outlets
for example
. We can
also
see
this in the way that foreign words are
being incorporated
into local languages.

On the whole
, I
agree
to a great extent that
technology
is bringing
people
closer together and this can
only
be a
good
thing,
but
the disadvantage is that
people
may take
ideas
from other cultures and forget their
own
traditions
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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