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Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v.4

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v. 4
Money has an important impact on most people’s lives. It is not always that a rich person is happy: you can buy a lot of things with money but happiness is something which cannot be bought. The first point is indeed financial wealth is an unavoidable part in a human’s life. It helps to provide the means for people to develop themselves – by supporting children’s growth, education and interests, train to develop skill to a high level and as a result, living of people depends on how much they are earning. A second way is supporting better health care system. For instance, in some countries, affluent person will get advanced and better health care in a hospital; however, it will not be possible if they are in poverty. Money is also necessary for many cultural interests: attending concerts, travelling. On the other hand, financial freedom cannot bring happiness to an individual. Considering other factors like, family and friends have a major impact on everyone. Money cannot help you if we lack a family and friends. Everyone will go through an emotional situation where we need a back support. Being nice to others and accepted by people for what we have done also add value. We need to be useful and help others and also, we can feel happiness while sipping a cup of tea sitting on their balcony or reading a book. In conclusion, money is not the only most important factor in developing a good life, but with it help people can afford materials wealth.
Money
has an
important
impact on most
people’s
lives
. It is not always that a rich person is happy: you can
buy
a lot of
things with
money
but
happiness is something which cannot be
bought
.

The
first
point is
indeed
financial wealth is an unavoidable part in a human’s life. It
helps
to provide the means for
people
to develop themselves
by supporting children’s growth, education and interests, train
to develop
skill
to a high level and
as a result
, living of
people
depends on how much they are earning. A second way is supporting better health care system.
For instance
, in
some
countries, affluent person will
get
advanced and better health care in a hospital;
however
, it will not be possible if they are in poverty.
Money
is
also
necessary for
many
cultural interests: attending concerts, travelling.

On the
other
hand, financial freedom cannot bring happiness to an individual. Considering
other
factors like, family and friends have a major impact on everyone.
Money
cannot
help
you if we lack a family and friends. Everyone will go through an emotional situation where we need a back support. Being nice to others and
accepted
by
people
for what we have done
also
add
value. We need to be useful and
help
others and
also
, we can feel happiness while sipping a cup of tea sitting on their balcony or reading a book.

In conclusion
,
money
is not the
only
most
important
factor in developing a
good
life,
but
with it
help
people
can afford materials wealth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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