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All the people in a company should be treated equally and provide with the same number of holidays in a year or people doing different jobs enjoy different amount of holiday time. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

All the people in a company should be treated equally and provide with the same number of holidays in a year or people doing different jobs enjoy different amount of holiday time. v. 1
Equality reduce the gap between peoples standard. Companies should be treated all employee in a same way such as grant same amount of holidays in a year. I, holistically, disagree with this viewpoint, because people doing job in different posts or groups so holidays should be depend on occupation. To begin with, people do different work in companies. Work is depend on people posts and their work ability. For instance, highest post employees work is differ from lowest post employee. For that reason, in a organization people can not be treated equally because work is divided on their occupation such as manager of the company has a different role as compared to other post in same community. Thus, the same number of holidays can not be provided in same company colleagues because every individual represent a different role and work in company. So, holiday can be based on employees work need. Moreover, the owner of the every company firstly would be planned of the work regarding to achiving a profit in a specific time period. For example, job work based on different posts such as manager occupation, secretary post and many more. For that reason, constant amount of holidays cannot Grant in the staff of the company. Thus, work is based on different occupation such as security guard of the company perform their job daily because it is very crucial for company safety as well as manager profession of the company also very vital because manager role is like a professional skilled role in the company. So, that is why holidays of employee vary from other workers. To conclude, in a same organization holiday should be grant to employees on the based of there posts and their work needed for company. Companies should be give holidays to their staff on their urgent personal issues.
Equality
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "reduces".
reduce
the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
standard.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
should
be treated
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
Consider replacing "in a same way" with the adverb for "same"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a same way
such as grant same amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
in a year. I,
holistically
, disagree with this viewpoint,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
doing job in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
posts
or groups
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
should be
Consider using the past participle "depended"?
depend
on occupation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
is
Consider using a past participle here: "depended".
depend
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
posts
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
ability.
For instance
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is differ from
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. For that reason, in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
organization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
be treated
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is divided
on their occupation such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
as compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post
in same community.
Thus
, the same number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
can not
be provided
in same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
colleagues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every individual represent a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
can
be based
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
need.

Moreover
, the owner of the every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
firstly
would
be planned
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
Possible spelling mistake found.
achiving
a profit in a specific time period.
For example
, job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
posts
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
occupation, secretary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
post
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. For that reason, constant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
cannot Grant in the staff of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is based
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
occupation such as security guard of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
perform their job daily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
safety
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
profession of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
is like a professional skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
that is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
vary from other workers.

To conclude
, in a same organization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holiday
should be grant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
on the based of
Did you mean "their"?
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
posts
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
needed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
should be give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
holidays
to their staff on their urgent personal issues.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
65Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay All the people in a company should be treated equally and provide with the same number of holidays in a year or people doing different jobs enjoy different amount of holiday time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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