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Money for postgraduate research is limited, therefore, some people think financial support from governments should be provided only for scientific research rather than less useful subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Money for postgraduate research is limited, therefore, some people think financial support from governments should be provided only for scientific research rather than less useful subjects. v. 1
In the last few decades, we have witnessed a globalization process of unprecedented scale. A byproduct of this process is a shift in the previous national paradigm as the government's responsibility seem to dwindle and people demand to enable private groups to assume a lot more responsibility. In my opinion, the truth lies somewhere in the middle as some areas can become private yet others have to remain in trusted governmental hands. It is easy to see why people demand the privatization of governmental services as it cost the public less money and the end-product is quite often far superior. Opening the market for the private sector provides the much-needed competition and allows the forces of economy to idealize the service. It is feasible to remove some fields from the government's hands, and still receive trustworthy results such as with electricity and water supply. However, one must ask himself whether a hospital or a school should be run by a private company that demands profit or by the government for the benefit of the public. For me, the answer is fairly simple. On the other hand, we choose our own governments, therefore, we entrust those individuals to do what they think is right. If we do not trust our politicians to provide adequate services then we should not vote for them altogether. Let's take toddlers education in Israel as an example, It has been the cause of much debate as it is a private business without any governmental supervision. In the last few years, we have seen a handful of abusive teachers in that age group, mostly because the kindergarten lacked supervision and the teachers themselves were inexperienced. Another area worth mentioning is health services. The American health service is based on a private groups and companies while most hospitals in Israel are owned by the government. In Israel any patient receives exactly the same treatment as money is not on the agenda. It might be wasteful, but the service for weakened population is far superior. In conclusion, removing services from the government's hands and putting it in the hands of private companies can have some advantages, however, one must not forget that adverse effects such as the ones mentioned above might happen.
In the last few decades, we have witnessed a globalization process of unprecedented scale. A byproduct of this process is a shift in the previous national paradigm as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's responsibility seem to dwindle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
demand to enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
groups to assume a lot more responsibility. In my opinion, the truth lies somewhere in the middle as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas can become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
yet
others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
remain in trusted governmental hands.

It is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
demand the privatization of governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as it cost the public less money and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
-product is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
far superior. Opening the market for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sector provides the much-needed competition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the forces of economy to idealize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
. It is feasible to remove
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hands
, and
still
receive trustworthy results such as with electricity and water supply.
However
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ask himself whether a hospital or a school should
be run
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that demands profit or by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
for the benefit of the public. For me, the answer is
fairly
simple.

On the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
, we choose our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
,
therefore
, we entrust those individuals to do what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is right. If we do not trust our politicians to provide adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
then we should not vote for them altogether.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's take toddlers education in Israel as an example, It has been the cause of much debate as it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
business without any governmental supervision. In the last few years, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a handful of abusive teachers in that age group,
mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the kindergarten lacked supervision and the teachers themselves
were inexperienced
. Another area worth mentioning is health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. The American health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is based
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
groups and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
while most hospitals in Israel are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. In Israel any patient receives exactly the same treatment as money is not on the agenda. It might be wasteful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
for weakened population is far superior.

In conclusion
, removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hands
and putting it in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hands
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages,
however
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not forget that adverse effects such as the ones mentioned above might happen.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Money for postgraduate research is limited, therefore, some people think financial support from governments should be provided only for scientific research rather than less useful subjects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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