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It is becoming increasingly popular for people to travel to tourist destinations during public holidays. What problems does this cause? What solutions are there to these problems? v.2

It is becoming increasingly popular for people to travel to tourist destinations during public holidays. What problems does this cause? What solutions are there to these problems? v. 2
Nowadays, youths spend more time with their friends and less time with members of their family. This is because they find the company of their friends more interesting, and I think that it is highly unnecessary for folks to enforce their children spending time with them as this will prevent them from developing soft skills. To begin with, youngsters prefer hanging out with their friends because they enjoy their company more than that of their parents. In other words, as a result of age difference, both parties might not have common interesting topics to talk about, therefore, resulting in little or no time being spent together. Furthermore, fear of punishment could make it hard for children to express certain thoughts to their parents, hence, resulting in them turning to their friends as confidant. For example, a recent survey conducted by the society for family health in Nigeria concluded that, 40 percent of parents now find it hard interacting with their children because they would rather spend time on the phone than talking to them. On the other hand, fathers and mothers forcing their young ones to dedicate more time to them would prevent the development of soft skills in the young child. That is, skill set such as communication skills, attitudes, people skills will be poorly developed if playmates are prevented from hanging out. These attributes are necessary for the child in order to interact effectively with members of the public. To exemplify, research has shown that youngsters that spend longer time with their friends tend to be well behaved members of the society as they have top notch interaction skills and express themselves without a hitch. This reinforces why the parents should not force their children to spend more time at home. To conclude, although children spend more time with their companion because they find them more fun, it is also essential that folks do not coerce their youngsters into spending time with them in order to effectively develop their soft skills.
Nowadays, youths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with members of their family. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they find the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
more interesting, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
highly
unnecessary for folks to enforce their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them as this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from developing soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, youngsters prefer hanging out with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
more than that of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
In other words
,
as a result
of age difference, both parties might not have common interesting topics to talk about,
therefore
, resulting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being spent
together.
Furthermore
, fear of punishment could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to express certain thoughts to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
hence
, resulting in them turning to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
as confidant.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by the society for family health in Nigeria concluded that, 40 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
interacting with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they would
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the phone than talking to them.

On the other hand
, fathers and mothers forcing their young ones to dedicate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to them would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the development of soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in the young child.
That is
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
set such as communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, attitudes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will be
poorly
developed if playmates are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
from hanging out. These attributes are necessary for the child in order to interact
effectively
with members of the public. To exemplify, research has shown that youngsters that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
tend to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well behaved
members of the society as they have
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top notch
interaction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and express themselves without a hitch. This reinforces why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their companion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they find them more fun, it is
also
essential that folks do not coerce their youngsters into spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them in order to
effectively
develop their soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay It is becoming increasingly popular for people to travel to tourist destinations during public holidays. What problems does this cause? What solutions are there to these problems? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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