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getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in the modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard? v.1

getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in the modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard? v. 1
There are a lot of reasons that people have to try their best to work hard, to get a success; and one of them is getting the promotion. Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to work hard in the modern workplace which considered a higher and better position in career. Employees and workers always try their best abilities to succeed in the competitive market. Getting exaltation is a chance to let employees reach and catch better opportunities to challenge themselves. For example, for some of the people, they go to work to earn money, to pay for the needs of themselves, so getting the promotion means they have a chance to earn more money. Or, for some of the others, they go to work to satisfy their dreams, to improve their skills, and to learn newer experiences, thus it is a good step to let them do the things that they want to see. This also means people always have more responsibilities for the job they do. However, the getting promotion is always the best and happiest news to all of the employees. There are many other ingredients that influence people to work hard such as transportation, accomodation, relationship, love and in particular luck is gained thirty percent in a road to get an achievement. There is a story about the French emperor Napoleon said to one of his generators " I know he is good, but is he lucky? " Luck means here people catch opportunities at the right time, use these skills in the right places, and such aspects urge one to apply themselves diligently. To sum up, uplift in the career is a step which improves the quality of peoples' lives and peddle them to work hard. Indeed, it is the only factor than others which is much more comfortable.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try their best to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a success; and one of them is getting the promotion. Getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in the modern workplace which considered a higher and better position in career.

Employees and workers always try their best abilities to succeed in the competitive market. Getting exaltation is a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
employees reach and catch better opportunities to challenge themselves.
For example
, for
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to earn money, to pay for the needs of themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
getting the promotion means they have a chance to earn more money. Or, for
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
others, they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to satisfy their dreams, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and to learn newer experiences,
thus
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
step to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them do the things that they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. This
also
means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always have more responsibilities for the job they do.
However
, the getting promotion is always the best and happiest news to
Consider using "all the".
all of the
employees.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ingredients that influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
such as transportation,
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
, relationship,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and
in particular
luck
is gained
thirty percent in a road to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an achievement. There is a story about the French emperor Napoleon said to one of his generators
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
I know he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is he lucky?
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Luck means here
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
catch opportunities at the right time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the right places, and such aspects urge one to apply themselves
diligently
.

To sum up, uplift in the career is a step which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and peddle them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
.
Indeed
, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor than others which is much more comfortable.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay getting promotion is one of the biggest drives for people to apply themselves and work hard in the modern workplace. Why do you think people are so driven to get promotion? What other factors influence people to work hard? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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