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Modern technology now allows rapid an uncontrolled Access to exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies. What are your views? v.1

Modern technology now allows rapid an uncontrolled Access to exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies. What are your views? v. 1
We live in an age when many of us use modern technology which allows to access any information, and also this technology is being common about exchanging information rapidly. But there is a question, How are our societies affected by these improvements? . One problem can be unacceptable access to our personal area. The other important problem can be sharing the government privacy documents. In this essay these problems will be discussed. One of the biggest problems of modern technology is that our all personal informations are on the internet. And a person who knows how to hack and get these informations can learn them, and attempt to use them. For instance, if a foreign person, who got our all bank account informations such as passwords, bank card numberand so on, want to use them, as far as limit of card is enough, this person can buy anything he/she needs. Despite police officers, he/she can do anything with using our informations in official way. Consequently, we should pay attention to these kinds of problems, otherwise we can be a guilty person. Second and foremost problem is that knowing privacy documents of the government. This is the biggest problem of the system. If these documents are shared by someone to other countries, the government can be under super danger. For example, let’s think that millitary projects of any government are known rival countries, one of rival countries can want to use against to the government. Moreover these projects can be invented by rivals before the government. Even if it understood this matter, there can be no thing to do this situation. Therefore, the government should keep in mind everytime against these problems. In summary, technology has been growing and many informations of us have been shared by our hands or anyone else. My own view on the matter is, we should keep in mind everytime and we should pay attention to share something omportant for us.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an age when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
to access any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, and
also
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is being common about exchanging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
rapidly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is a question, How are our societies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by these improvements?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can be unacceptable access to our personal area. The other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can be sharing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
privacy documents. In this essay these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
will
be discussed
.

One of the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is that our all personal
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
are on the internet. And a person who knows how to hack and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
can learn them, and attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
For instance
, if a foreign person, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
our all bank account
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
such as passwords, bank card
Possible spelling mistake found.
numberand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them, as far as limit of card is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, this person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything he/she needs. Despite police officers, he/she can do anything with using our
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
in official way.
Consequently
, we should pay attention to these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
otherwise
we can be a guilty person.

Second and foremost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that knowing privacy documents of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. This is the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of the system. If these documents
are shared
by someone to other countries, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can be under super
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
millitary
projects of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
are known
rival countries, one of rival countries can want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
against to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
these projects can
be invented
by rivals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. Even if it understood this matter, there can be
Did you mean "nothing"?
no thing
to do this situation.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind
Possible spelling mistake found.
everytime
against these problems.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has been growing and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
of us have
been shared
by our hands or anyone else. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
view on the matter is, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
everytime and
we should pay attention to share something
Possible spelling mistake found.
omportant
for us.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern technology now allows rapid an uncontrolled Access to exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies. What are your views? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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