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Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies. v.6

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies. v. 6
With the invention and widespread use of computers, mobile devices, the internet and other latest technologies people can now access to a range of information very easily. The communication technology enables them to contact anyone and exchange the information they desire. Though many people consider it as a great uplift towards a flexible and advanced era, many people believe that it a serious threat for us. I completely disagree with the idea that the disadvantages and threat of free information exchange and communication outweigh the advancement it has bought for us. First of all, there are very few people who might misuse the easily accessible information and can try to do harms to others. But consider the rest of the mass people who form more than 99. 99% of the total population who would access information to enhance their knowledge, contact with people they care and contribute towards making the society a better place. Students, research people, teachers, professionals or even kids and mums access a various source of information for their daily needs and blocking their access from the fear of an unknown hacker or terrorist is like locking us at home 24 hours because there might be an accident on the road. In reality, the facility to exchange information and easy communication made it possible to shorten the distance of the world. The distance learning, online education, online business, email and websites like Wikipedia have made it possible for someone in a distant village to grab the potential to contribute to a greater enhancement. The sensitive data are always protected by the authority and they spend a huge amount to ensure the data protection and misuse. No matter how lucrative it sounds, hacking a bank’s website and getting information about the customers’ financial statement is as tough as walking to the middle of an ocean. Whenever we refer to the term modern world its underlying meaning refers technological advancement, information availability and flexibility of communication. Restricting the access and exchange of information for fear of danger is like living in the cave in fear of the earthquake. The technological advancement has made the world a better place to live in, has increased the transparency of government and authority and has enhanced the potential for more advancement and flexibility.
With the invention and widespread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers, mobile devices, the internet and other latest technologies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to a range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
technology enables them to contact anyone and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
they desire. Though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider it as a great uplift towards a flexible and advanced era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
a serious threat for us. I completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the disadvantages and threat of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
for us.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who might misuse the
easily
accessible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and can try to do harms to others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
consider the rest of the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who form more than 99. 99% of the total population who would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
to enhance their knowledge, contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they care and contribute towards making the society a better place. Students, research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, teachers, professionals or even kids and
Possible spelling mistake found.
mums
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
a various source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for their daily needs and blocking their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
from the fear of an unknown hacker or terrorist is like locking us at home 24 hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there might be an accident on the road.

In reality, the facility to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
made it possible to shorten the distance of the world. The distance learning, online education, online business, email and websites like Wikipedia have made it possible for someone in a distant village to grab the potential to contribute to a greater enhancement. The sensitive data are always protected by the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
authority and
they spend a huge amount to ensure the data protection and misuse. No matter how lucrative it sounds, hacking a bank’s website and getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the customers’ financial statement is as tough as walking to the middle of an ocean.

Whenever we refer to the term modern world its underlying meaning refers technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
availability and flexibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. Restricting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
for fear of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
is like living in the cave in fear of the earthquake. The technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
has made the world a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, has increased the transparency of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and authority and has enhanced the potential for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
and flexibility.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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