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People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. v. 3
Nowadays, a large number of citizens become immigrants due to the search of rich, secure, and comfortable life in other developed nations with different customs and traditions. While many admit that people should adopt new country’s rules and conventions when they intended to settle there, I strongly agree with this idea because of several benefits and problems that people can face with them. Disobeying and unconsciousness about host country’s cultures and traditions causes problems to the immigrants. Firstly, the refusal to adapt to host environment would create a cultural barrier for immigrants. This leads to social isolation, which has negative influences on people’s lives. Secondly, it is logical that limited knowledge of local customs may result in some illegal actions in the host country and make local people unpleased. For instance, in Singapore, one of the cleanest countries in Asia, local residents consider anyone dirty and ill-mannered if they litter the street or spit gum in the public. Newcomers can gain some benefits if they adopt the customs and traditions of a new country. One benefit is that if immigrants behave in accordance with the local norms, they will be accepted easily by local inhabitants, and as a result, they can receive respects and affections as well as some help from the local. For example, when the enterprises want to expand their production in a new country, they must be aware of business practice there, which provides them with useful information to maximize profits. Another benefit is that newcomers might gain the richness of knowledge by virtue of the local customs and traditions, which enables them to actively participate in the activities of the community. In many festivals, people are able to participate freely and feel harmonious like their own country. In conclusion, I would argue that people who dwell in a new country should follow the customs and traditions which local people observe.
Nowadays,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
citizens become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
due to the search of rich, secure, and comfortable life in other developed nations with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should adopt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and conventions when they intended to settle there, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and problems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can face with them.

Disobeying and unconsciousness about host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
causes problems to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
.
Firstly
, the refusal to adapt to host environment would create a cultural barrier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
. This leads to social isolation, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Secondly
, it is logical that limited knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs may result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illegal actions in the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
unpleased
.
For instance
, in Singapore, one of the cleanest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in Asia,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents consider anyone dirty and ill-mannered if they litter the street or spit gum in the public.

Newcomers can gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
if they adopt the customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
behave in accordance with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
norms, they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
easily
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
inhabitants, and
as a result
, they can receive respects and affections
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
.
For example
, when the enterprises want to expand their production in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware of business practice there, which provides them with useful information to maximize profits. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is that newcomers might gain the richness of knowledge by virtue of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
, which enables them to
actively
participate in the activities of the community. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
festivals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to participate
freely
and feel harmonious like their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.

In conclusion
, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who dwell in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
should follow the customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
observe.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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