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Modern medical science has made it possible to combat many diseases. This is one reason that people are living longer lives bow than they did in the past. Discuss the effects this might have on society. v.2

Modern medical science has made it possible to combat many diseases. This is one reason that people are living longer lives bow than they did in the past. Discuss the effects this might have on society. v. 2
In this modern age, medical science is growing rapidly with highly innovative and technological system, which is introduced in all over the country. Medical science is referred to identify the diseases and cure it by producing medicines, machinery and equipments and operation strategy with professional skill doctors. However, I strongly believe with that the medical science is playing a vital role in individual unhealthy person' s life. Even though, there are some benefits and drawbacks in the medical science field. On the one hand, the medical science sector is giving new life to survive for debilitate patients by researching medicines in order to cure for serious diseases like heart attack, cholesterol, Cancer, pneumonia, asthma and much more. Moreover, with the help from those medicines and equipments, it not only gives a prolong life expectancy, also at the same they can spend some more time with their family members. Furthermore, those unfit people can do something for their family. For instance, life insurance can be considered as a good example. On the other hand, Although highly advance equipments has manufactured and provided in the hospital sector by medical science industry in order to give more time period to survive, nevertheless at the same time sickly and critical health condition people are also have to move their life throughout physically and mentally ache. Moreover, especially medical science plays an essential role for elderly population because elderly people require much more medical care, such as, organ transplant, dialysis and vitamins. This consequence takes place at old age, when human body cannot function properly by itself with the past of time. Therefore, medical science is said to be as a legal process to use in an ethical way. To sum up, I personally agree with that there should be good quality machinery and equipment items as well as medicines. In an additional, at the same time there should be a good treatment in order to reduce body pain and anxiety for infirm people.
In this modern age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is growing
rapidly
with
highly
innovative and technological system, which
is introduced
in all over the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is referred
to identify the diseases and cure it by producing medicines, machinery and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipments
and operation strategy with professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
doctors.
However
, I
strongly
believe with that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is playing a vital role in individual unhealthy
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Even though
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits and drawbacks in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
field.

On the one hand, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
sector is giving new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to survive for debilitate patients by researching medicines in order to cure for serious diseases like heart attack, cholesterol, Cancer, pneumonia, asthma and much more.
Moreover
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from those medicines and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipments
, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gives
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'prolong' is correct. If 'prolong' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a prolong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy,
also
at the same they can spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family members.
Furthermore
, those unfit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do something for their family.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
insurance can
be considered
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example.

On the other hand
, Although
highly
advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipments
has manufactured and provided in the hospital sector by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
industry in order to give more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period to survive,
nevertheless
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sickly and critical health condition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
throughout
physically
and mentally ache.
Moreover
,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
plays an essential role for elderly population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care, such as, organ transplant, dialysis and vitamins. This consequence takes place at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age, when human body cannot function
properly
by itself with the past of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is said
to be as a legal process to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Consider replacing "in an ethical way" with the adverb for "ethical"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an ethical way
.

To sum up, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that there should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality machinery and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equipment
items
as well
as medicines. In an additional, at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
there should be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
treatment in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
body pain and anxiety for infirm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Modern medical science has made it possible to combat many diseases. This is one reason that people are living longer lives bow than they did in the past. Discuss the effects this might have on society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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