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Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? v.2

Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? v. 2
Many childhood infections become preventable by using vaccine. It is generally believed that vaccination should be obligated because of its beneficial effect. To a certain extent, I strongly agree with that viewpoint. The essay will discuss about the role of vaccines in preventing contagious diseases and controlling the possibility of fatalities. Medical researchers suggest that vaccination prevents diseases to spread into a widespread epidemic. If the percentage of vaccinated immunization of the population exceed a threshold for vaccines to take effect, the probability of spreading will be decreased significantly. For instance, in the past decade, a contagious disease such as chickenpox, measles, mumps is a fatal infectious illness. Because of the advent of vaccine, the listed disease can be prevented effectively. The more children are vaccinated, the less pandemic will explode in the foreseeable future. Vaccination can decrease dramatically the possibility of fatality which is affected by communicable diseases. The infectious diseases can be fatal or incurable if it cannot be treated successfully. Several permanent damage such as malignant fever, brain damage, growth delay can be caused by childhood disease. However, despite the incomplete effectiveness of vaccines in some situations, the children who are immunized can prevent from several contagious diseases thanks to the development of vaccines. For example, the children now hardly suffer bird flu or smallpox because they are vaccinated. As a result, the possibility of fatalities decreases considerably in recent year. In conclusion, vaccination should be obligatory by law for the benefits of children in the future and the world without worldwide epidemic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
childhood infections become preventable by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccine
. It is
generally
believed that vaccination should
be obligated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its beneficial effect. To a certain extent, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that viewpoint. The essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
in preventing contagious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and controlling the possibility of fatalities.

Medical researchers suggest that vaccination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
to spread into a widespread epidemic. If the percentage of vaccinated immunization of the population exceed a threshold for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
to take effect, the probability of spreading will
be decreased
significantly
.
For instance
, in the past decade, a contagious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
such as chickenpox, measles, mumps is a fatal infectious illness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccine
, the listed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
effectively
. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are vaccinated
, the less pandemic will explode in the foreseeable future.

Vaccination can decrease
dramatically
the possibility of fatality which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by communicable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. The infectious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can be fatal or incurable if it cannot
be treated
successfully
. Several permanent damage such as malignant fever, brain damage, growth delay can
be caused
by childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
.
However
, despite the incomplete effectiveness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are immunized
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from several contagious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
thanks to the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
hardly suffer bird flu or smallpox
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are vaccinated
.
As a result
, the possibility of fatalities decreases
considerably
in recent year.

In conclusion
, vaccination should be obligatory by law for the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the future and the world without worldwide epidemic.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many childhood diseases can now be prevented through the use of vaccines. Should parents be made by law to immunise their children against common diseases or should individuals have the right to choose not to immunise their children? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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