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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A job with more vacation time but low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation. v.709

A job with more vacation time but low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation. v. 709
As some people may hold the view that earning money is the most important factor in a vocation; however, some others respect the other factors which their values are beyond a finance income. I personally agree with the second belief. Among the countless reasons which advocate my viewpoint I will delve into the most outstanding ones that persuade me to put forward this perspective. The first exquisite reason which confirms my idea' s accuracy is the importance of the period which is spent with the family. Nowadays, based upon the todays' lifestyle and its tempo, most of the people are in the hurry and rush. It is really arduous to schedule a convenient plan to spend with the family members. This scenario leads to a compacted society whose members are far way with the restricted communications. Thus, to overcome this condition and tackle its difficulties, owning a job with more vacation is a decent idea. This condition helps to strengthen and fortify the links among the people. The noteworthy interesting research conducted in my country Iran illustrates that more than the sixty five percent of the busy employees in Tehran spend less than two hours a day with their family members, which depicts how this condition chaotic is. Consequently, the strong relationships among the family members should be evaluated highly than a high salary. The last reason is the feeling of the self-satisfaction. By a tough program, it is difficult to make a balance between the daily duties and the personal stuffs; moreover, most of the time, the big portion of a spotlight is on the occupation and its duties. In this case, an individual can be considered as a robot without any spare time to spend for himself. It can lead to monotone in his life as a result becomes an exhausted person without any enthusiasm to encourage him for a proper function. A vivid example can be given to shed light to the subject is my own example. The last year, I was overwhelmed with a heavy plan in my office, and I could roughly spend one hour a day as the duration for my personal tasks. In the beginning it was not important and explicit; but after a while this condition made me upset. I felt as an emotionless person with limited social activities; and it was beyond my internal desire. To wrap it up, all aforementioned reasons and examples lead to the conclusion that an occupation with the more vacation and the less salary is more invaluable. Since, it helps to fortify and enhance the relationship with family members; besides, have more self-satisfaction and enjoy the short span of the life.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may hold the view that earning money is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor in a vocation;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others respect the other factors which their values are beyond a finance income. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second belief. Among the countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which advocate my viewpoint I will delve into the most outstanding ones that persuade me to put forward this perspective.

The
first
exquisite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which confirms my
Possible spelling mistake found.
idea&
#039; s accuracy is the importance of the period which
is spent
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Nowadays, based upon the
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays&
#039; lifestyle and its tempo, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in the hurry and rush. It is
really
arduous to schedule a convenient plan to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. This scenario leads to a compacted society whose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are
Please check whether an article is missing: "a far".
far
way with the restricted communications.
Thus
, to overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
and tackle its difficulties, owning a job with more vacation is a decent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to strengthen and fortify the links among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The noteworthy interesting research conducted in my country Iran illustrates that more than the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sixty five
percent of the busy employees in Tehran
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less than two hours a day with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, which depicts how this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
chaotic is.
Consequently
, the strong relationships among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
should
be evaluated
Use "(highly)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
highly
than a high salary.

The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the feeling of the self-satisfaction. By a tough program, it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance between the daily duties and the personal stuffs;
moreover
, most of the time, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
portion of a spotlight is on the occupation and its duties.
In this case
, an individual can
be considered
as a robot without any spare time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
for himself. It can lead to monotone in his life
as a result
becomes an exhausted person without any enthusiasm to encourage him for a proper function. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light to the subject is my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
example. The last year, I
was overwhelmed
with a heavy plan in my office, and I could roughly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
one hour a day as the duration for my personal tasks. In the beginning it was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and explicit;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after a while this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
made me upset. I felt as an emotionless person with limited social activities; and it was beyond my internal desire.

To wrap it up, all aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and examples lead to the conclusion that an occupation with the more vacation and the less salary is more invaluable. Since, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to fortify and enhance the relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
;
besides
, have more self-satisfaction and enjoy the short span of the life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay A job with more vacation time but low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation. v. 709

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
445 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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