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Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. v. 2
It is now common to see parents that have a quiet busy life due to their jobs. This has created a scenario where children may have a lack of attention which has resulted in a controversial discussion since this type of behaviour aim to be affecting children negatively as well as to timeless parents. This essay will evidence how this situation, which I disagree, is not a bad practice and should not have any consequences in kids-growing processes. Firstly, it is important to understand that in todays world, life was moving even faster than many decades ago. Hence, actual workforce has learned and adapted to a whole new workflow that demands more time. Moreover, for example, genre equality has gotten stronger and woman society role were re-considered for the best. A mother must have the same rights and opportunities to work as the father, which does not mean they will not be paying enough attention to their son or daughter. Secondly, seeking for the right balance in life, it is as important as taking good care of children. In fact, a well-known research about Childs' attention which was conducted in the first semester of this year, evidenced how a modern family could secure them to spend time together as each of the parents work eight hours per day. Only 12 % of experts claimed that lacking parents could eventually end up in kids personality affectations, while 88 % stated that there are no risks what-so-ever. In conclusion, I am quite sure that by finding the right life-balance while parents honour their right to work, will create a perfect family ecosystem. Although, at the actual rate, certainly, spending time with children would be even more difficult and this discussion may have other validity by then.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
that have a quiet busy life due to their jobs. This has created a scenario where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may have a lack of attention which has resulted in a controversial discussion since this type of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
aim to be affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
negatively
as well
as to timeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This essay will evidence how this situation, which I disagree, is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
practice and should not have any consequences in kids-growing processes.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand that in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world, life was moving even faster than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
decades ago.
Hence
, actual workforce has learned and adapted to a whole new workflow that demands more time.
Moreover
,
for example
, genre equality has gotten stronger and woman society role were re-considered for the best. A mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
and opportunities to work as the father, which does not mean they will not be paying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
attention to their son or daughter.

Secondly
, seeking for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
balance in life, it is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In fact, a well-known research about
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childs
' attention which
was conducted
in the
first
semester of this year, evidenced how a modern family could secure them to spend time together as each of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
work eight hours per day.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
12 % of experts claimed that lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in kids personality affectations, while 88 % stated that there are no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
what-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-ever.

In conclusion
, I am quite sure that by finding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
life-balance while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to work, will create a perfect family ecosystem. Although, at the actual rate,
certainly
, spending time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be even more difficult and this discussion may have other validity by then.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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IELTS essay Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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