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Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. v. 5
Nowadays, due to modern lifestyle parents spends less time with their children. Some people claim this has resulted in detrimental effects on children. However, in olden days parents had sufficient time to spend with loved ones. I completely agree with this statement for two reasons. Firstly, children today are developing psychological problems as parents are busy in their professional lives. In order to resume job after maternity leave children at a tender age of 6 months are left in day care centres. Slowly children start becoming attention seekers along with the feeling of loneliness at home. Furthermore, they develop an attitude of being stubborn. All this results in depression and anxiety disorders among children. For instance, research at Stanford university suggests that in the recent years there is a sharp increase in the number of children with mental illness, especially when both their fathers and mothers are working. This study was conducted over a period of 25yrs from 1985 till 2015. Secondly, children develop anti social behaviour and may even commit petty crimes due to contemporary lifestyle. In other words, they do not respect elders or follow legislative rules and regulations. In addition, busy parents do not closely monitor their children as a result this little ones get indulged in activities like stealing valuables, reckless driving or may even discharge firearms within city limits. For instance, recent studies have shown a raise in juvenile delinquency cases. In conclusion, parents play a crucial role in nurturing their children. If they do not pay proper attention than children tend to become mentally sick or may even commit small crimes.
Nowadays, due to modern lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spends less time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim this has resulted in detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, in olden days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had sufficient time to spend with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement for two reasons.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are developing psychological problems as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy in their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In order to resume job after maternity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at a tender age of 6 months are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in day care
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.
Slowly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
becoming attention seekers along with the feeling of loneliness at home.
Furthermore
, they develop an attitude of being stubborn. All this results in depression and anxiety disorders among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, research at
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Stanford university
suggests that in the recent years there is a sharp increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with mental illness,
especially
when both their fathers and mothers are working. This study
was conducted
over a period of 25yrs
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 1985 to 2015"?
from 1985 till 2015
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
develop
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
anti social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and may even commit petty crimes due to contemporary lifestyle.
In other words
, they do not respect elders or follow legislative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations.
In addition
, busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not
closely
monitor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as a result
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
indulged in activities like stealing valuables, reckless driving or may even discharge firearms within city limits.
For instance
, recent studies have shown a raise in juvenile delinquency cases.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a crucial role in nurturing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If they do not pay proper attention than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to become mentally sick or may even commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
crimes.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern lifestyles mean that many parents have little time for their children. Many children suffer because they do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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