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Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children What are its causes and what solutions can be offered v.1

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children What are its causes and what solutions can be offered v. 1
In the modern era, overweight diseases were increased in children, which were supposed to be for adults only. This essay will discuss the causes of obesity and offer some solutions. The first reason of fatness in youngsters is junk food. Unhealthy food such as burger, ice cream and fizzy drinks are becoming essential daily routine. Not only fast food does contain high number of calories that is more than the required calories in their daily diet but also it does not contain the necessary healthy nutrition. In 2007, a survey from the world health organization showed that 70% of childhood obesity is related to fast food. This issue would be solved if parents banned eating from outdoors and replaced it with a healthy homemade meal. Secondly, lack of physical activities, this is frightening but true that modern technology has a negative impact to the new generations such as the slacktivism due to the spread of social media and video games. Children lose most of their time in front of mobile screens without doing any kind of activity. In 2018, a study has been published by the New York Times newspaper reported that 80 percent of children spend 40% of their daily time on computer games. This problem can be avoided by controlling child’s free time and encouraging sports activities. In conclusion, in this days and age, young ones are sharing the same diseases with adults such as obesity and it is clear that the main causes of it are unhealthy eating and not enough physical activities. It is recommended that government should provide courses for children at schools about the disadvantages of overweight to increase their awareness.
In the modern era, overweight diseases
were increased
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which
were supposed
to be for adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. This essay will discuss the causes of obesity and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

The
first
reason of fatness in youngsters is junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as burger, ice cream and fizzy drinks are becoming essential daily routine. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
does contain high number of calories
that is
more than the required calories in their daily diet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it does not contain the necessary healthy nutrition. In 2007, a survey from the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world health organization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 70% of childhood obesity
is related
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This issue would
be solved
if parents banned eating from outdoors and replaced it with a healthy homemade meal.

Secondly
, lack of physical activities, this is frightening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
true that modern technology has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact to the new generations such as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
slacktivism
due to the spread of social media and video games.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
lose most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of mobile screens without doing any kind of activity. In 2018, a study has
been published
by the New York
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
newspaper reported that 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend 40% of their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer games. This problem can
be avoided
by controlling child’s free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and encouraging sports activities.

In conclusion
, in
It seems that a possessive apostrophe is missing.
this days
and age, young ones are sharing the same diseases with adults such as obesity and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the main causes of it are unhealthy eating and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
physical activities. It
is recommended
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide courses for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at schools about the disadvantages of overweight to increase their awareness.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children What are its causes and what solutions can be offered v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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