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Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v.1

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 1
Nowadays, the increasing rate of overweight in children and the adults is the worldwide health issue. The obesity is a major problem, it is increasing constantly in the school children. There are specific reasons behind it. This essay will discuss the causes of obesity and offer some solutions. The first cause of the obesity is junk food. It is observed that the young ones are fond of burger, Noodles and the coke as their favourite meal. These types of cuisines are easily available in the school canteen. The teenager love to purchase chips, chocolates, ice-cream for the lunch. Moreover, in the modern era, parents are working hard and they do not have the time to cook at home. The older sibling often buy dinner for their children instead of preparing food in the house kitchen. These calorie-rich diet, become an unhealthy life cycle. The problem can be solved by teaching children to cook healthy foods for themselves and impose a ban on junk foods and the fizzy drinks in schools. The diet can be replaced by consuming milk, juice and fruits for the lunch. The second cause of obesity is the sedentary lifestyle. It is true that the use of computers and the television promote harmful diseases. They spend most of their time watching television or playing video games on the computer. This is the technological advancement, it has reduced the level of physical activity in this specific age group. This issue can be resolved by encouraging children to involve in the physical exercises. Parents can take their children to the park by encouraging them to play sport games with the friends. Furthermore, schools can add the sport in their curriculum to maintain the physical fitness of their students. To sum up, it is clear that the main causes of obesity are unhealthy eating and not enough physical activities. This ailment can be prevented and treated by healthy eating habits and physical exercises.
Nowadays, the increasing rate of overweight in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the adults is the worldwide health issue. The obesity is a major problem, it is increasing
constantly
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are specific reasons behind it. This essay will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of obesity and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of the obesity is junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It
is observed
that the young ones are fond of burger,

Noodles and the coke as their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
meal. These types of cuisines are
easily
available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
canteen. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
chips, chocolates, ice-cream for the lunch.
Moreover
, in the modern era, parents are working
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hard and
they do not have the time to cook at home. The older sibling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
dinner for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
of preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
kitchen. These calorie-rich diet, become an unhealthy life cycle. The problem can
be solved
by teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to cook healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
for themselves and impose a ban on junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and the fizzy drinks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. The diet can
be replaced
by consuming milk, juice and fruits for the lunch.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of obesity is the sedentary lifestyle. It is true that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers and the television promote harmful diseases. They spend most of their time watching television or playing video games on the computer. This is the technological advancement, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity in this specific age group. This issue can
be resolved
by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to involve in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises. Parents can take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the park by encouraging them to play sport games with the friends.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
the sport in their curriculum to maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness of their students.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of obesity are unhealthy eating and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities. This ailment can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
and treated by healthy eating habits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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