Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. what are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v.9

Nowadays, the increasing rate of overweight children and adults is a worldwide health issue. Obesity is a major problem which is increasing day by day in school going children. There are various reasons behind it. This essay will discuss the causes of obesity and offer some solutions. The first cause of obesity is junk food. It is often seen that mostly children are fond of burgers, pizzas, noodles and coke. These types of foods are easily available to them in school canteens. Children love to purchase chips, chocholates, - ice-cream for lunch. Moreover, in this modern era, parents are working and they do not have time to cook at home. Parents often buy dinner for their children instead of preparing food at home. This calorie-rich diet is making children obese. This problem can be solved by teaching children to cook healthy foods for themselves and banning junk foods and fizzy drinks in schools. This diet can be replaced by milk, juice and fruits for lunch. The second cause of obesity is sedentry life style. It is true that the use of computers and television is increasing in children. They spend most of their time watching television or playing video games on a computer. This technological advancement has reduced the level of physical activity in this specific age group. This issue can be resolved by encouraging children to do physical exercises. Parents can take their children to park to encourage playing with friends. Furthermore, schools can add sports in their curriculum to maintain physical fitness in their students. To sum up, it is clear that main causes of obesity are unhealthy eating and not enough physical activities. This ailment can be prevented and treated by healthy eating habbits and physical exercises.
Nowadays, the increasing rate of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adults is a worldwide health issue. Obesity is a major problem which is increasing day by day in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. There are various reasons behind it. This essay will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of obesity and offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of obesity is junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are fond of burgers, pizzas, noodles and coke. These types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
easily
available to them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
canteens.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
chips,
Possible spelling mistake found.
chocholates
,
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
ice-cream for lunch.
Moreover
, in this modern era, parents are
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they do not have time to cook at home. Parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
dinner for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
of preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home. This calorie-rich diet is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obese. This problem can
be solved
by teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to cook healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
for themselves and banning junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and fizzy drinks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
This
diet can
be replaced
by milk, juice and fruits for lunch.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of obesity is
Possible spelling mistake found.
sedentry
This noun is normally spelled as one word.
life style
. It is true that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers and television is increasing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They spend most of their time watching television or playing video games on a computer. This technological advancement has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity in this specific age group. This issue can
be resolved
by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises. Parents can take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to park to encourage playing with friends.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
sports in their curriculum to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness in their students.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
of obesity are unhealthy eating and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities. This ailment can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
and treated by healthy eating
Possible spelling mistake found.
habbits
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes and what solutions can be offered?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts