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The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on other planets. Some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problems of public. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on other planets. Some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problems of public. v. 4
In recent years, space exploration has been a debatable issue among societies. Some people believe that investing in this industry is a waste of money and the authorities should use that money in solving problems on earth instead. Personally, I fairly disagree with this view for a number of reasons. On the one hand, people argue that the governments should not continue to fund those projects for a number of reasons. The first one is that there are still so many people are living under the line of poverty on our planet. Therefore, it seems like putting capital in space programs while thousands are dying of hunger is illogical and unreasonable. Moreover, there are many public services that need better improvement to enhance life standard for/of generations such as education, medicine, and public transportation. On the other hand, although some people are against this idea, my view is that exploring the universe benefits humanity in many aspects. First of all, it is the foundation that helps human being bring technologies to a new/greater level. Not many acknowledge that multiple products and innovations used in the daily life are results of space research. As more satellites are orbiting around the world, providing a considerable amount of information, human are able to live in the most innovative life. In addition to this, space travel also helps human understand more about their home. By watching the globe from the cosmos, people could study Earth sciences, weathers, climate change and many more, and thereby broaden their horizons. To sum up, I hold the opinion that the governments ought to allocate the budget appropriately so that both discovering life on planets and tackling problems on the Earth are arranged reasonably.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration has been a debatable issue among societies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that investing in this industry is a waste of money and the authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that money in solving problems on earth
instead
.
Personally
, I
fairly
disagree with this view for a number of reasons.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not continue to fund those projects for a number of reasons. The
first
one is that there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living under the line of poverty on our planet.
Therefore
, it seems like putting capital in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
programs while thousands are dying of hunger is illogical and unreasonable.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public services that need better improvement to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
standard for/of generations such as education, medicine, and public transportation.

On the other hand
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, my view is that exploring the universe benefits humanity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is the foundation that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
human being bring technologies to a new/greater level. Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
acknowledge that multiple products and innovations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are results of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
research. As more satellites are orbiting around the world, providing a considerable amount of information, human are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the most innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
travel
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
human understand more about their home. By watching the globe from the cosmos,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could study Earth sciences, weathers, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, and thereby broaden their horizons.

To sum up, I hold the opinion that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
ought to allocate the budget
appropriately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that both discovering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on planets and tackling problems on the Earth
are arranged
reasonably
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on other planets. Some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problems of public. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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