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Nowadays a few people take their family with them to abroad whenever they go for a business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages on them and on their family. v.2

Nowadays a few people take their family with them to abroad whenever they go for a business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages on them and on their family. v. 2
International tour is increasingly becoming a popular activity, worldwide. In this essay, I will discuss the merits and the demerits for the individuals and their menage, of bringing them along, whilst on an international business travel and explain why it can be beneficial for all. In fact, there are a few disadvantages of taking the family members along, for the business expedition. Taking their family can hence add to the cost of the round. For instance, it is an accepted fact that international tours can be really expensive for a family, especially the middle income groups, which can rip them off their years of savings. Furthermore, the businessmen would need to take time out of their busy schedule to care of their families, which can be daunting. Additionally, it would result in vacating their house in the native land empty, at least for a small period of time, which can pose dangers. On the other hand, its advantages easily outweigh the other. Firstly, the family members get to see and experience a new place and culture, which in turn can help them de-stress. For example, it is widely known that the CEO of most of the major companies takes their spouse along, while officially visiting other countries. Secondly, being with the family members helps the officials to unwind and relax during their trip. Finally, Kids in the family get to learn a lot about the business conduct and environment, which in turn can enable them to adapt rapidly and launch their career faster. To conclude, even though there are a few disadvantages of taking their menage along for trip in foreign nations, its advantages easily outweigh the other. Also, the current trend is set to continue as a net result of the increasing wealth creation and global opportunities.
International tour is
increasingly
becoming a popular activity, worldwide. In this essay, I will discuss the merits and the demerits for the individuals and their
'menage' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "ménage"
menage
, of bringing them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
along
, whilst on an international business travel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why it can be beneficial for all.

In fact, there are a few disadvantages of taking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
along
, for the business expedition. Taking their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
can
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the cost of the round.
For instance
, it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
fact that international tours can be
really
expensive for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
especially
the middle income groups, which can rip them off their years of savings.
Furthermore
, the businessmen would need to take time out of their busy schedule to care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, which can be daunting.
Additionally
, it would result in vacating their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in the native land empty, at least for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
period of time, which can pose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, its advantages
easily
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and experience a new place and culture, which in turn can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them de-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
, it is
widely
known that the CEO of most of the major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
takes their spouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
along
, while
officially
visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.
Secondly
, being with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the officials to unwind and relax during their trip.
Finally
, Kids in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn a lot about the business conduct and environment, which in turn can enable them to adapt
rapidly
and launch their career faster.

To conclude
,
even though
there are a few disadvantages of taking their
'menage' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "ménage"
menage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
along
for trip in foreign nations, its advantages
easily
outweigh the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Also
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
trend
is set
to continue as a net result of the increasing wealth creation and global opportunities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays a few people take their family with them to abroad whenever they go for a business trip. What are the advantages and disadvantages on them and on their family. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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