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People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v.7

People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 7
With the advances made in technology, public can depend more and more on their smart phones and internet to conduct activities, which were once seemed impossible to be done at the click of a button. In this essay, I will discuss the demerits and merits and explain why it has a negative impact on the society, on a whole. Even though with the arrival of smart mobiles and other networking technologies have immensely benefited the mankind in providing certain services instantly, it comes at a tremendous price. Because of the elevated depend on their mobile screens for various functions, people get glued to their devices much more than ever. For example, it is widely known that people to people interaction has drastically gone down in the recent years, in most parts of the world. Not only does this mobile network increases the exposure to radiation, but also results in various lifestyle diseases. One clear example is the occurrence of cancer cells in the human body, as a result of increased radiation levels the body is subjected to. Additionally, since the arrival of the internet, people increasingly rely on them to perform various transactions from the comfort of their home, which in its absence would have required them to be present physically somewhere. Thus, with the decreased physical motion, it can lead to a sedentary lifestyle. For instance, it is an accepted fact that people worldwide prefer to do their banking transactions online, rather than visiting the bank in person, which takes a lot more time and effort. Furthermore, commoners get easily distracted by various notifications on their mobiles that can decrease their productivity and efficiency levels at work. To exemplify, many international companies prohibit their employees to take phones into the office, because of the same reason. To conclude, even though with the advent of modern technological devices people have benefited tremendously, the negatives far outweigh the positives. And as it helps the public function better, it is going to stay for a while in this fast-paced life.
With the advances made in technology, public can depend more and more on their smart phones and internet to conduct activities, which were once seemed impossible to
be done
at the click of a button. In this essay, I will discuss the demerits and merits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the society, on a whole.

Even though
with the arrival of smart mobiles and other networking technologies have
immensely
benefited the mankind in providing certain services
instantly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
at a tremendous price.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the elevated depend on their mobile screens for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
functions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
glued to their devices much more than ever.
For example
, it is
widely
known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interaction has
drastically
gone down in the recent years, in most parts of the world. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does this mobile network
Did you mean "increase"?
increases
the exposure to radiation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
lifestyle diseases. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is the occurrence of cancer cells in the human body,
as a result
of increased radiation levels the body
is subjected
to.

Additionally
, since the arrival of the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increasingly
rely on them to perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
transactions from the comfort of their home, which in its absence would have required them to be present
physically
somewhere.
Thus
, with the decreased physical motion, it can lead to a sedentary lifestyle.
For instance
, it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide prefer to do their banking transactions online,
rather
than visiting the bank in person, which takes a lot more time and effort.
Furthermore
, commoners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
distracted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
notifications on their mobiles that can decrease their productivity and efficiency levels at work. To exemplify,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prohibit their employees to take phones into the office,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the same reason.

To conclude
,
even though
with the advent of modern technological devices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have benefited
tremendously
, the negatives far outweigh the positives. And as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the public function better, it is going to stay for a while in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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