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Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. what are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v.5

Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. what are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 5
These days, many children face with diseases occurring only for adults, such as obesity and heart attract. This is because bad habits of children and schools and parents should cooperate to lessen this problem. Nowadays, children tend to suffer from the adult’ s diseases because they have changed to have worse habits causing them get higher risk to face with those diseases. For examples, development of technology brings children change their activities. they spend more time on their computers and mobile phones in order to play online games or contact to other people on social network. this leads them to reduce time for physical activities, such as playing outdoor sports and bring them to get poor health. Moreover, there are many kinds of fast foods, snacks, and bakery which contain high fat and sugar. These are very attractive for children to consume more over than their bodies need and cause them to be obesity. However, there are many means to solve this problem. Firstly, children should be controlled the time spending on their electronic devices and should have more exercise. School should set timetable for exercising every day in the morning before classes or increase hours of sports in each week. In addition, parents should bring them to do outdoor activities, for example, ride a bike or plant in a garden. Secondly, school and parents should teach them about nutrition that can health them to decision when they must choose their food. Additionally, parents should prepare food which suitable in nutrition and portion for them. Those can help children to reduce the chances to suffer from the diseases. In conclusion, children are suffering from adult’ s diseases because they have less physical activities and eat more over in food containing a lot of fat and sugar. Schools and parents should encourage them to have more exercises and control their meals in order to solve this problem.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
face with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
occurring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for adults, such as obesity and heart attract. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should cooperate to lessen this problem.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to suffer from the adult’ s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to have worse habits causing them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to face with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. For examples, development of technology brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
spend more time on their computers and mobile phones in order to play online games or contact to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on social network.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
leads them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
time for physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as playing outdoor sports and bring them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
poor health.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, snacks, and bakery which contain high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar. These are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to consume more over than their bodies need and cause them to be obesity.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
means to solve this problem.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be controlled
the time spending on their electronic devices and should have more exercise.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
should set timetable for exercising every day in the morning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
classes or increase hours of sports in each week.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should bring them to do outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
for example
, ride a bike or plant in a garden.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should teach them about nutrition that can health them to decision when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which suitable in nutrition and portion for them. Those can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chances to suffer from the diseases.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are suffering from adult’ s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have less physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and eat more over in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
containing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sugar.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should encourage them to have more exercises and control their meals in order to solve this problem.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. what are its causes and what solutions can be offered? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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