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Mobile phones should be banned in public places, Up to what extent do you agree/disagree? v.1

Mobile phones should be banned in public places, Up v. 1
Mobile phones have become an integral part of our lives but they become a nuisance when they are used in public places. Just like smoking is banned in public places, some people feel that mobile phones too should be banned. I agree with this view and I personally believe that this move will make our public places a lot more peaceful. There are several detriments to mobile phone usage at public places. Firstly, mobile phones radiations can cause damage to the brain and the heart of the user. Secondly, the ringtones and the speaking on the phone make disturbances in public transport, parks and cinemas. Finally, mobile phone thefts have become a growing crime in crowded places. It is evident that because of the public use of mobile phones, many people lose their expensive handsets and also become mentally disturbed. There are many more reasons to restrict the use of mobile phones in public places. In places like hospitals, libraries and devotional centres mobile phones cause a great deal of distraction. In schools and universities, students can send messages, videos and music on cellular phones while the teacher teaches the lessons in the classrooms. There is yet another argument for banning mobile phones from public places. Some perverts take obscene pictures or videos from beaches, playgrounds or swimming pools on their mobile phones. In conclusion, mobile phones are certainly a great innovation, but they are also a distraction and a nuisance and therefore, in my opinion, they should be banned from public places.
Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an integral part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a nuisance when they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like smoking
is banned
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
too should
be banned
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and I
personally
believe that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
a lot more peaceful.

There are several detriments to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
usage at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Firstly
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
radiations can cause damage to the brain and the heart of the user.
Secondly
, the ringtones and the speaking on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
disturbances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport, parks and cinemas.
Finally
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
thefts have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a growing crime in crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. It is evident that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lose their expensive handsets and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
mentally disturbed.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more reasons to restrict the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like hospitals, libraries and devotional
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
cause a great deal of distraction. In schools and universities, students can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages, videos and music on cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
while the teacher teaches the lessons in the classrooms. There is
yet
another argument for banning mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
perverts take obscene pictures or videos from beaches, playgrounds or swimming pools on their mobile phones.

In conclusion
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
certainly
a great innovation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
also
a distraction and a nuisance and
therefore
, in my opinion, they should
be banned
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Mobile phones should be banned in public places, Up v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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