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Mobile phones and the internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. What ways could mobile phones and the internet be useful to old people? How do the old people to be encouraged using this new technology? v.1

Mobile phones and the internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. What ways could mobile phones and the internet be useful to old people? How do the old people to be encouraged using this new technology? v. 1
Nowadays, mobile phones and the internet have become very common among the individuals around the world. However, these facilities are not frequently utilised by the aged population. In this essay, we will analyse how usage of cellular phones and web can help them to communicate and fulfil their needs without travelling. Also, we will discuss how designing user-friendly applications and phones can encourage such people to use them. To begin with, old people sometimes find difficult to travel a long distance. In this case, cell phones and internet can come to their aid by helping them to communicate with others without commuting. In addition, they can use these technologies for ordering the food or reserving their tickets and thereby, will avoid standing in long queues. Thus, it is evident that these people can take benefit of these facilities for staying in touch with relatives or family and even satisfy their daily needs. In order to motivate these people for using such facilities, companies should concentrate on developing easy to use web applications or the phones. For instance, they can develop cell phone with the big keypad and the internet apps which provide information in their local language. In this way, old people will be able to understand how to use them and hence, can enjoy their use. Therefore, focusing on the development of products which can be easily understood will encourage such people to use them in their daily life. In conclusion, the communication will be easier for the aged people with the use of this technology. For achieving this, organisations should make an attempt to develop products which can be handled by old generation. It is thus hoped that government will make some efforts in forcing industries to produce such products.
Nowadays, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common among the individuals around the world.
However
, these facilities are not
frequently
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by the aged population. In this essay, we will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
how usage of cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and web can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to communicate and fulfil their needs without travelling.
Also
, we will discuss how designing user-friendly applications and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can encourage such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
find difficult to travel a long distance.
In this case
, cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and internet can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to their aid by helping them to communicate with others without commuting.
In addition
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these technologies for ordering the food or reserving their tickets and thereby, will avoid standing in long queues.
Thus
, it is evident that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take benefit of these facilities for staying in touch with relatives or family and even satisfy their daily needs.

In order to motivate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for using such facilities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should concentrate on developing easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
web applications or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
For instance
, they can develop cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
keypad and the internet apps which provide information in their local language. In this way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to understand how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them and
hence
, can enjoy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Therefore
, focusing on the development of products which can be
easily
understood will encourage such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them in their daily life.

In conclusion
, the communication will be easier for the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this technology. For achieving this,
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an attempt to develop products which can
be handled
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation. It is
thus
hoped that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
efforts in forcing industries to produce such products.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Mobile phones and the internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. What ways could mobile phones and the internet be useful to old people? How do the old people to be encouraged using this new technology? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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