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Mobile phone and the internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. In what ways can mobile phone and the internet be useful to the old people? What could be done to encourage to the old people to use? v.1

Mobile phone and the internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. In what ways can mobile phone and the internet be useful to the old people? What could be done to encourage to the old people to use? v. 1
Every individual is responsible for his own body and how merrily it is treated will ultimately define the person's fitness. Medical facilities should not be provided for free regardless of income. I strongly adhere to the notion and the supporting statements are discussed further in the essay. To begin with, people nowadays have started neglecting their good shape as they are much busier in the rat race of earning money. They, overlook their body and are careless about their diet. Obesity is the root cause of all major health related issues and waging for long hours without primarily concerning about good physical conditions, can lead to serious well-being problems such as fat gain, high blood pressure, and in some cases even cardiac arrest. If the fine fettle care facilities are freely provided people will become habitual to pharmaceuticals and will drop recognition on their bodies. However, if they are charged at even some cheap rates people will start looking more cautiously on their bodies as even spending a penny looks like spending a coin of gold for a hard earning worker. They will tend to spend on alternatives such as dieticians which can help in regulating the diet approving their salubrity to a greater extent. More visitors would be distributed in parks and people will start taking their health seriously. They will amalgamate some exercises like Zumba, yoga or jogging in their daily routines. Fitness would be taken care of, and people will ultimately become healthy. In conclusion, medical facilities should be charged, as anything which is freely available is not easily appreciated. This in turn will alter the people to look for alternative ways to keep their bodies fit.
Every individual is responsible for his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and how
merrily
it
is treated
will
ultimately
define the person's fitness. Medical facilities should not
be provided
for free regardless of income. I
strongly
adhere to the notion and the supporting statements
are discussed
further
in the essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
neglecting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape as they are much busier in the rat race of earning money. They, overlook their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and are careless about their diet. Obesity is the root cause of all major health related issues and waging for long hours without
primarily
concerning about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical conditions, can lead to serious well-being problems such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
gain, high blood pressure, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases even cardiac arrest.

If the fine fettle care facilities are
freely
provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will become habitual to pharmaceuticals and will drop recognition on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
.
However
, if they
are charged
at even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
rates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
looking more
cautiously
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
as even spending a penny looks like spending a coin of gold for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
earning worker. They will tend to spend on alternatives such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieticians
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in regulating the diet approving their
Possible spelling mistake found.
salubrity
to a greater extent.

More visitors would
be distributed
in parks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking their health
seriously
. They will amalgamate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises like Zumba, yoga or jogging in their daily routines. Fitness would
be taken
care of, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
ultimately
become healthy.

In conclusion
, medical facilities should
be charged
, as anything which is
freely
available is not
easily
appreciated. This in turn will alter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to look for alternative ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
fit.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Mobile phone and the internet are very useful. However, it is rare for old people to use them. In what ways can mobile phone and the internet be useful to the old people? What could be done to encourage to the old people to use? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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