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Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.4

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. v. 4
Nowadays, most of the children have an unhealthy lifestyle. Parents are undoubtedly responsible for solving these problems. Schools, as their second home, should also concern about these problems and take responsibility for solving them. In this modern life, one of the main problems is the unavoidable unhealthy lifestyle. Unfortunately, children are also affected by this problem; since most of the parents are too busy to have a healthy way of living. To set an example, imagine parents who are working all the time and who cannot afford cooking healthy meals. Thus, they just grab ready-made food or junk food. Children are intended to imitate their parents, so they grow up watching their parents eating unhealthy food all the time and they eventually believe that it is the right way of living, Being the first role models for their children, parents should feel responsible to prevent such problems leading to an unhealthy lifestyle. Moreover, schools are also in charge of solving problems caused by an unhealthy lifestyle. Since children spend a considerable amount of time in schools, education has a significant impact on their behaviour. Children should be taught in schools that what a healthy lifestyle is and encouraged to have one. To draw more attention to the importance of healthy lifestyle, consequences of having an unhealthy lifestyle could also be pointed out. In conclusion, it is a fact that children are mostly having an unhealthy lifestyle these days. I totally agree that parents are responsible for solving this problem. They should be careful of their behaviour because they are the first teachers of their children. Furthermore, I also believe that schools play a huge part in children's lives and they should teach children how to live healthily.
Nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are
undoubtedly
responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solving
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
, as their second home, should
also
concern about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and take responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solving
them.

In this modern life, one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is the unavoidable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
; since most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are too busy to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
way of living.

To set an example, imagine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are working all the time and who cannot afford cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
meals.
Thus
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
grab ready-made food or junk food.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are intended
to imitate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they grow up watching their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
food all the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they
eventually
believe that it is the right way of living, Being the
first
role models for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should feel responsible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
leading to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyle.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
also
in charge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend a considerable amount of time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, education has a significant impact on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
that what a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is and encouraged to have one. To draw more attention to the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
, consequences of having an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
could
also
be pointed
out.

In conclusion
, it is a fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
mostly
having an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
these days. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solving
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. They should be careful of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the
first
teachers of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Furthermore
, I
also
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play a huge part in children's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
they should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthily
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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