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Many people think that women should not occupy managerial positions in big companies because of stress. Others think that women should do to show their talent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Many people think that women should not occupy managerial positions in big companies because of stress. Others think that women should do to show their talent. v. 1
It is often argued that adolescents encounter greater challenges in the society than when they were still toddlers and this can be attributed to their parents being engrossed with their work than at home. In my opinion, I agree with this view. The reasons for my opinion will be discussed in the following paragraphs. There are several reasons why some people will not blame career parents for the enormous challenges that their teenagers face. One reason is that they believe that these young adults are mature to make rightful decisions about their lives without their parents involvement. This is because their schooling and environment must have given them a good perspective about life and at this age, they should practise what they have learnt. Another reason why they are solely responsible for the current problems they face, and not their parents work-life is that they understand their purpose of living and are eager to fulfil their dreams regardless of their guardians. For example, in Nigeria, once a child attains the age of 18 years, such individual has the legal right to vote, get married, own a car or rent an apartment. However, I believe they are still too young to walk through life independently. Admittedly, there are basic reasons why I believe that the role of parents is crucial to teenagers surviving in this world. Parents who spend most of their time in their offices rather than with their children who is about to become adults contribute immensely to the rising issues that they come across. Firstly, such parents sends a wrong signal to their teenagers to carry out assignments on their own. As a result, they make errors or succumb to peer pressure. Secondly, parents absence at home when necessary will force these children to seek counsel from other sources they consider to be good. For instance, their friends could lure them to smoking or drinking alcohol to forget depression or engage in prostitution to get money to buy vain things. In the long run, these wrong choices could either harm them or retard their growth. In conclusion, even though people may vary in their opinion on who should be blamed in the challenges that teenagers face, I believe that parents who do not create time for them despite their busy schedules will continue to fuel many issues that teenagers find themselves because these children will have to work through life on their own and are prone to make mistakes.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that adolescents encounter greater challenges in the society than when they were
still
toddlers and this can
be attributed
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
being engrossed
with their work than at home. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for my opinion will
be discussed
in the following paragraphs.

There are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not blame career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for the enormous challenges that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
face. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that these young adults are mature to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
rightful decisions about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
involvement. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their schooling and environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
perspective about life and at this age, they should
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
what they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why they are
solely
responsible for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
problems they face, and not their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
work-life is that they understand their purpose of living and are eager to fulfil their dreams regardless of their guardians.
For example
, in Nigeria, once a child attains the age of 18 years, such individual has the legal right to vote,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a car or rent an apartment.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
they are
still
too young to walk through life
independently
.

Admittedly
, there are basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is crucial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
surviving in this world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
spend most of their time in their offices
rather
than with their children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'children' should be used.
is
about to become adults contribute
immensely
to the rising issues that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across.
Firstly
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
signal to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to carry out assignments on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
errors or succumb to peer pressure.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
absence at home when necessary will force these children to seek counsel from other sources they consider to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
For instance
, their friends could lure them to smoking or drinking alcohol to forget depression or engage in prostitution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
vain things. In the long run, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choices could either harm them or retard their growth.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinion on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should
be blamed
in the challenges that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
face, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not create time for them despite their busy schedules will continue to fuel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
find themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these children will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work through life on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and are prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that women should not occupy managerial positions in big companies because of stress. Others think that women should do to show their talent. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
411 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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