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Many people think that women should not occupy managerial positions in big companies because of stress. Others think that women should do to show their talent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Many people think that women should not occupy managerial positions in big companies because of stress. Others think that women should do to show their talent. v. 2
people’s opinions differ as to whether or not female managers in famous companies, which have a range of stressful works. Meanwhile arguments for this, from my perspective, it is not unable that women have enough abilities for these sites. there has been considerable opposition against women managers in large offices. firstly, for the most part, females do not have mental strength. this means that they seem to easily to feel tired or headache when under an enormous amount of street. A woman, therefore, having a lot of works or addressing a big problem, is more likely to faults. In addition, it is thought that female managers are often sensible because they are understanding and care about many things and have complex relationships. For example, when they made a decision to recruit staffs, those managers are willing to some relatives with unsuitable abilities. According to the above, it is not surprising that female leaders have not gained popularity. In spite of some people, who are in favor of the above arguments, I side with the view that ladies’ abilities are much enough to assume manager sites. firstly, a woman has personalities, which are appropriate for a leader, such as flexible, studious, tolerant… this means that she has an impact on employees by persuading them and encouraging solidarity of her staffs together. Unlike a man, who usually gets orders or strict requirements, resulting in difficulty to communicate with each other in a group. Beside that, nowadays, the equal society in sex have made female managers play an important role day by day. For instance, the prime minister of germany is a lady, namely Angela Merkel, in office from 2005. she has contributed to the peace and fostered the stable of germany. it, therefore, is an apparent fact that women are able to become excellent administers in all companies. In conclusion, while some people argue that the manager sites are quit stresses for women because of their weak psychology and sensible thought, I still hold a firm belief that a female is more likely to lead in a company as their characters that is improved in the fact.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
’s opinions differ
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
as to whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which have a range of stressful works.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
arguments for this, from my perspective, it is not unable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
abilities for these sites.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
has been considerable opposition against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
in large offices.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
,
for the most part
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
do not have mental strength.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
means that they seem to
easily
to feel tired or headache when under an enormous amount of street. A woman,
therefore
, having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
works or addressing a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem, is more likely to faults.
In addition
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
sensible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
The verb 'understanding' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are understanding
and care about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things and have complex relationships.
For example
, when they made a decision to recruit staffs, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
are willing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relatives with unsuitable abilities. According to the above, it is not surprising that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
leaders have not gained popularity.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who are in favor of the above arguments, I side with the view that ladies’ abilities are much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to assume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
sites.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
, a woman has personalities, which are appropriate for a leader, such as flexible, studious, tolerant… this means that she has an impact on employees by persuading them and encouraging solidarity of her staffs together. Unlike a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, who
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
orders or strict requirements, resulting in difficulty to communicate with each other in a group. Beside that, nowadays, the equal society in sex have made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role day by day.
For instance
, the prime minister of
Possible spelling mistake found.
germany
is a lady,
namely
Angela Merkel, in office from 2005.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
she
has contributed to the peace and fostered the stable of
Possible spelling mistake found.
germany
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
,
therefore
, is an apparent fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are able to become excellent administers in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager
sites
are quit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their weak psychology and sensible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, I
still
hold a firm belief that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
is more likely to lead in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as their characters
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in the fact.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that women should not occupy managerial positions in big companies because of stress. Others think that women should do to show their talent. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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