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Men and women employed in full-time jobs should share the responsibilities of household chores. Do you agree or disagree? Share relevant personal experiences. v.1

Men and women employed in full-time jobs should share the responsibilities of household chores. Share relevant personal experiences. v. 1
With the women demonstrating the ability to perform just as well as men in the global stage, it is no wonder that men are also taking the responsibility to take care of the household activities. It is argued that working couple should share the domestic activities equally. The virtue of this argument can be shown by looking at the positive impact it has on both children and the relationship of a couple. Children start learning all the human attributes from their parents. Parents who share the household chores create a good example of the sense of responsibility and empathy to their children. In Japan, for example, most of the couples are jobholder and share their household activities, which help their children to develop the sense of helping family members and others in the society selflessly. Thus, shouldering the family responsibility equally by the parents has a crucial impact in the character of their children. In addition, sharing the responsibilities of a family by both the partners strengthen and increase the quality of the relationship of a married couple. For instance, although my father is the only breadwinner of our family, he always finds his time to help my mother, which makes my housewife mother satisfied and gracious to him. This sharing helps them to communicate and understand each other every day making their mutual relationship more congenial even in the hardship. In conclusion, equally dividing the family responsibilities to the working couple has a positive far reaching impact to the character of the children and the relationship of a couple. Therefore, it is clear that the opinion of sharing responsibilities by the working couple should be supported.
With the women demonstrating the ability to perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in the global stage, it is no wonder that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are
also
taking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
to take care of the household activities. It
is argued
that working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couple
should share the domestic activities
equally
. The virtue of this argument can
be shown
by looking at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact it has on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
of a couple.

Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning all the human attributes from their parents. Parents who share the household chores create a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of the sense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
and empathy to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In Japan,
for example
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
are jobholder and share their household activities, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop the sense of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
in the society
selflessly
.
Thus
, shouldering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
equally
by the parents has a crucial impact in the character of their children.

In addition
, sharing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
by both the partners strengthen and increase the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
of a married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couple
.
For instance
, although my father is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
breadwinner of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, he always finds his time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my mother, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
my housewife mother satisfied and gracious to him. This sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to communicate and understand each other every day making their mutual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
more congenial even in the hardship.

In conclusion
,
equally
dividing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
to the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couple
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
far reaching
impact to the character of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couple
.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the opinion of sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
by the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couple
should
be supported
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Men and women employed in full-time jobs should share the responsibilities of household chores. Share relevant personal experiences. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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