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Memorising facts is the most important way to succeed in education v.3

Memorising facts is the most important way to succeed in education v. 3
Rote learning is considered the most important measure to reach academic achievement. I completely disagree with this idea. On the one hand, it is true that heart learning can be a way to achieve a great result in some fields such as history and language. These fields rely on the memorisation of historical events or grammars. Moreover, many subjects might not require students to memorise too many details, but many foundations of knowledge are acquired through rote learning. For example, students who are studying in fine arts have to know the principle of the colour mixing and attribute of the pigment and dye, which are learnt by memorising. On the other hand, memorization is essential, but there are many other key facts in learning. Firstly, fields, such as arts and engineering, are looking forward to practices and creativity from students. Firstly, although an artistic student needs an abundance of knowledge about colour, pigment and related material, the real success is made by their talent for colour or through endless practices. Secondly, becoming a successful engineer, students need not only plough through the learning but also have extraordinary ideas and lateral thinking. Steve Jobs would be a good example. Steve Jobs didn't finish his education in the university, but he earned an astonishing achievement in the field of computer science by his creative ideas. All in all, memorization might be one of the important facts to reach academic achievement, but there are many other attributes, such as creativity, hardworking, are considered the most important for education.
Rote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is considered
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
measure to reach academic achievement. I completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand, it is true that heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
can be a way to achieve a great result in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
such as history and language. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
rely on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorisation' is British English.
memorisation
of historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or grammars.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects might not require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorise' is British English.
memorise
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foundations of knowledge
are acquired
through rote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are studying in fine arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know the principle of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
mixing and attribute of the pigment and dye, which are
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorising' is British English.
memorising
.

On the other hand
,
Do not mix variants of the same word ('memorization' and 'memorisation') within a single text.
memorization
is essential,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other key facts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
, such as arts and engineering, are looking forward to practices and creativity from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
, although an artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
needs an abundance of knowledge about
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
, pigment and related material, the real success
is made
by their talent for
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
or through endless practices.
Secondly
, becoming a successful engineer,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'plough' is British English.
plough
through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have extraordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and lateral thinking. Steve Jobs would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example. Steve Jobs didn't finish his education in the university,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he earned an astonishing achievement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of computer science by his creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

All in all,
Do not mix variants of the same word ('memorization' and 'memorisation') within a single text.
memorization
might be one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
facts to reach academic achievement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other attributes, such as creativity, hardworking,
are considered
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for education.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Memorising facts is the most important way to succeed in education v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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