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Marriages are bigger and more expensive nowadays than in the past. Why is this case? Is it positive or negative development? v.6

Marriages are bigger and more expensive nowadays than in the past. Why is this case? Is it positive or negative development? v. 6
One of the most discussed issues nowadays is that people today have bigger weddings than in the past and spend on them huge amount of money. In my opinion, while people want to show their happiness and wealth to other people, it is negative development as it leads to tension between spouses and loan burden in the future. Firstly, it must be admitted that when a couple prepares for wedding they want to show other people that they rich and lover each other. In other words, they tend to rent the most expensive restaurant, invite all friends, classmates and colleagues to their wedding party. In addition they buy expensive clothes and serve tables with expensive dishes. All this show their wealth and means that they could succeed in their life as they can afford all it. Moreover, they hire the most expensive photographers as they want to have beautiful photographs from their weddings in order to share them in the web. As a result, all people will be informed that they had pompous wedding and they are reach. One serious problem that can arise from having big and expensive weddings is that many people have to spend last money on wedding parties and even some of them take loans from banks. As a result, after wedding day people do not have enough money and have to pay back their loans. Furthermore, the cannot afford to have honeymoon or to buy their own apartments. Consequently, spouses struggle and suffer in order to pay back their loans, as a result, tension between spouses become higher and higher. Consequently, many people cannot survive in such conditions and get divorced. In conclusion, although people can show that they are successful via wedding, I consider that people may face many problems due to lack of money.
One of the most discussed issues nowadays is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
than in the past and spend on them huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my opinion, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
their happiness and wealth to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as it leads to tension between spouses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
burden in the future.

Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that when a couple prepares for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they rich and lover each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they tend to rent the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
restaurant, invite all friends, classmates and colleagues to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
party. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, they".
addition they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
clothes and serve tables with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
dishes. All this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
their wealth and means that they could succeed in their life as they can afford all it.
Moreover
, they hire the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
photographers as they want to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
photographs from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
in order to share them in the web.
As a result
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be informed
that they had pompous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
wedding and
they are reach.

One serious problem that can arise from having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
parties and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
from banks.
As a result
, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay back their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
.
Furthermore
,
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
cannot afford to have honeymoon or to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
apartments.
Consequently
, spouses struggle and suffer in order to pay back their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
,
as a result
, tension between spouses become higher and higher.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot survive in such conditions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
divorced.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
that they are successful via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Marriages are bigger and more expensive nowadays than in the past. Why is this case? Is it positive or negative development? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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