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Marriages are bigger and more expensive nowadays than in the past. Why is this the case? Is it a negative or positive development? v.2

Marriages are bigger and more expensive nowadays than in the past. Why is this the case? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 2
In this modern era, in many parts of the world, wedding ceremonies have become huge and highly expensive in comparison to the past. The underlying reasons for adopting these events are various, and in my view, this is considered to be a negative trend. There are two main explanations for making tremendous wedding events. Firstly, the financial status of modern people has been improved. That is to say, more money would be available for expenditure, especially for marriage than those from previous generations. As a result, many people want to create a memorable wedding day without paying attention to the expenses. Secondly and more importantly, advanced technology has a tremendous effect. This is due to the development of the wedding industry, many specialized companies want to do marketing and sell their items to couples. For example, the swan wedding company in Baghdad makes huge marriage preparations, and it posts their photos through the internet which has a great influence on young couples, this opportunity was not available in the past. From my perspective, the huge wedding events could affect negatively. Many couples have to borrow money to make such events. For instance, some couples in Iraq have to take a loan from the bank for making marriage party. Thus, they could undergo financial problems with the beginning of their life because they have to pay back all these expenditures. Moreover, these huge rituals put married couples under psychological pressure. This is because they have to make a lengthy preparation that may extend for weeks. Therefore, it is not only put them under stress but also affect their mental health In conclusion, the widespread adoption of huge marriage could be attributed to an increase in financial statues and the wedding industry, and it seems to me that this phenomenon is negative due to financial and psychological pressure.
In this modern era, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
ceremonies have become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
and
highly
expensive
in comparison
to the past. The underlying reasons for adopting these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are various, and in my view, this
is considered
to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend.

There are two main explanations for making tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
status of modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
That is
to say, more money would be available for expenditure,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
than those from previous generations.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to create a memorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
day without paying attention to the expenses.
Secondly
and more
importantly
, advanced technology has a tremendous effect. This is due to the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
specialized
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
want to do marketing and sell their items to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
.
For example
, the swan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in Baghdad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
preparations, and it posts their photos through the internet which has a great influence on young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
, this opportunity was not available in the past.

From my perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could affect
negatively
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
borrow money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
in Iraq
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take a loan from the bank for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
party.
Thus
, they could undergo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
problems with the beginning of their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay back all these expenditures.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
rituals put married
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
couples
under psychological pressure. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a lengthy preparation that may extend for weeks.
Therefore
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
put them under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affect their mental health

In conclusion
, the widespread adoption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
could
be attributed
to an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
statues and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
industry, and it seems to me that this phenomenon is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
and psychological pressure.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Marriages are bigger and more expensive nowadays than in the past. Why is this the case? Is it a negative or positive development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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