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Marriages are bigger and more expensive nowadays than in the past. Why is this case? Is it positive or negative development? v.4

Marriages are bigger and more expensive nowadays than in the past. Why is this case? Is it positive or negative development? v. 4
In the present age, the debate about employing adults involved in full time occupation and sharing domestic routines has been ongoing since eons. I strongly agree with the splitting of duties and this essay will further explain the health benefits and strengthening of relationship bonds derived from this. On the one hand, when working class grown ups, venture into helping out with home duties, there is an improved health benefit. This is because, there is less burden of the chores as a result of division of labour. In addition, the work is completed quickly, and each individual can subsequently get adequate rest. While growing up, my mother suffered a severe back pain which got worse by the day. Fortunately, my father as well as my aunt was around to assist with the majority of household duties, therefore, allowing for more periods to relax. Thus, improving the ailment over time. On the other hand, when male and female staffs that are working permanent shift, assist each other with household tasks, they tend to strengthen their bonds. This is because, occurrences in place of employment are being discussed as well as daily activities and challenges which further fosters the union. For instance, a known young couple who had some misunderstanding and later had a counselling, were mandated to spend some time alone with each other. Afterwards, they began to relate well through moments shared in working together. To sum up, after analysing these points, it is clear that adults, engaging in home tasks together help to improve health as well as strengthen relationships. It is therefore encouraging that adult folks indulge in helping each other so as to keep enjoying these benefits.
In the present age, the debate about employing adults involved in full time occupation and sharing domestic routines has been ongoing since eons. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the splitting of duties and this essay will
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the health benefits and strengthening of relationship bonds derived from this.

On the one hand, when working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
grown ups
, venture into helping out with home duties, there is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
health benefit. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, there is less burden of the chores
as a result
of division of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
In addition
, the work
is completed
quickly
, and each individual can
subsequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adequate rest. While growing up, my mother suffered a severe back pain which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
worse by the day.
Fortunately
, my father as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as my aunt was around to assist with the majority of household duties,
therefore
, allowing for more periods to relax.
Thus
, improving the ailment over time.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, when male and female staffs that are working permanent shift, assist each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
with household tasks, they tend to strengthen their bonds. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, occurrences in place of employment are
being discussed
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as daily activities and challenges which
further
fosters the union.
For instance
, a known young couple who had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
misunderstanding and later had a counselling,
were mandated
to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time alone with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Afterwards, they began to relate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
through moments shared in working together.

To sum up, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
these points, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that adults, engaging in home tasks together
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as strengthen relationships. It is
therefore
encouraging that adult folks indulge in helping each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
enjoying these benefits.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Marriages are bigger and more expensive nowadays than in the past. Why is this case? Is it positive or negative development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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