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Parents and teachers believe that children should be supervised in their activities most of the time whereas others believe that kids need more freedom. To what extend do you agree or disagree. v.1

Parents and teachers believe that children should be supervised in their activities most of the time whereas others believe that kids need more freedom. v. 1
One of the most discussed issues nowadays is that children ought to be under supervision by parents and teachers most of the time when they have activities while there are others who argue that children should get more freedom. In my opinion, I believe that children should be under supervision of their parents and teachers as they can face many problems when they are alone. Firstly, it must be admitted that when children are alone they may face danger situations. Nowadays, there are many bad people who can threaten our children. According to recent research, approximately 100 000 children are kidnaped around the world every year, and this happens when children have activities without supervision. In addition, children can be influenced by older children from bad companies, who can learn them to smoke and consume alcohol drinks. As a result, children under bad influence are tend to commit major crimes that will have dire consequences in their future life. Another point to consider, is that nowadays there are many different activities such as video games and violence movies which can effect children’s academic performances. When children play video games without parents control they can become addicted to them. As a result, they will spend all free time on video games and will not have desire to study. Consequently, their academic performance will be weak and they will suffer with their study. Finally, with poor academic results they will not be able to enter to the university and succeed in their future life. Finally, according to law in Uzbekistan all children should be under supervision from their birth to mature ages. This conception is realized by simple instructions, when children are at home parents should be responsible for them and if children are at school, school’s administration should be responsible for them. In all other cases neighborhood community is responsible for children, and this community should check parents and schools. This law helped to our country to decrease the number of crimes committed by children. In conclusion, children should be supervised by older people as this will help to prevent danger situations.
One of the most discussed issues nowadays is that
children
ought to be under
supervision
by
parents
and teachers most of the time when they have activities while there are others who argue that
children
should
get
more freedom. In my opinion, I believe that
children
should be under
supervision
of their
parents
and teachers as they can face
many
problems when they are alone.

Firstly
, it
must
be admitted
that when
children
are alone they may face
danger
situations. Nowadays, there are
many
bad
people
who can threaten our
children
. According to recent research, approximately 100 000
children
are
kidnaped
around the world every year, and this happens when
children
have activities without
supervision
.
In addition
,
children
can
be influenced
by older
children
from
bad
companies
, who can learn them to smoke and consume alcohol drinks.
As a result
,
children
under
bad
influence are
tend
to commit major crimes that will have dire consequences in their future life.

Another point to consider, is that nowadays there are
many
different
activities such as video games and violence movies which can effect
children’s
academic performances.
When
children
play video games without
parents
control they can become addicted to them.
As a result
, they will spend all free time on video games and will not have desire to study.
Consequently
, their academic performance will be
weak and
they will suffer with their study.
Finally
, with poor academic results they will not be able to enter to the university and succeed in their future life.

Finally
, according to law in Uzbekistan all
children
should be under
supervision
from their birth to mature ages. This conception
is realized
by simple instructions, when
children
are at home
parents
should be responsible for them and if
children
are at school, school’s administration should be responsible for them. In all other cases neighborhood community is responsible for
children
, and this community should
check
parents
and schools. This law
helped
to our country to decrease the number of crimes committed by children.

In conclusion
,
children
should
be supervised
by older
people
as this will
help
to
prevent
danger
situations.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents and teachers believe that children should be supervised in their activities most of the time whereas others believe that kids need more freedom. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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