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Every culture, throughout time, has recorded it history in one way or another. In what ways can history be passed on to the next generation? v.2

Every culture, throughout time, has recorded it history in one way or another. In what ways can history be passed on to the next generation? v. 2
One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that history was recorded by all cultures from early times, and it was done in different was. History should be saved in our computers and in the internet for centuries, as people should know about the past times as it can help to predict the future and save humankind. Firstly, it must be admitted that history is the most important source of knowledge and history should be saved on the hard drivers and in the internet. This is because the internet and hard drivers are the most reliable ways to save information for centuries. One of the main reasons behind that is that simple computer with 100 GB memory can save million books, photographs and articles. Furthermore, all information about history can be copied million times in to different computers, servers and hard drivers and saved around the world as this devices are very small and can be saved in one locked room. People from early times were interested in the history as it helped them to understand many issues and answer to the most interest questions. In other words, it would be impossible to understand how people lived thousands ears ago without books which archeologists found in the ancient places. Another point to consider is that history helps us to predict the future and prevent many dire consequences from nature catastrophes. Take for example South-east Asia countries, they created the most efficient alarm system from typhoons and hurricanes after the most terrible typhoon in 2009 which took away more than 300 000 lives. In conclusion, people should save information about history in our state-of-the-art technologies for future generation as it will help them to develop and prevent catastrophes.
One of the
widely
discussed issues nowadays is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
was recorded
by all cultures from early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, and it
was done
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
was.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saved
in our computers and
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
for centuries, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should know about the past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
as it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to predict the future and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
humankind.

Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
source of knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saved
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
drivers and
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the internet".
in the internet
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
drivers are the most reliable ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
information for centuries. One of the main reasons behind
that is
that simple computer with 100 GB memory can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
books, photographs and articles.
Furthermore
, all information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can
be copied
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
computers, servers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
drivers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saved
around the world as
Did you mean "these"?
this
devices are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saved
in one locked room.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
were interested
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them to understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues and answer to the most interest questions.
In other words
, it would be impossible to understand how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
thousands ears ago without books which archeologists found in the ancient places. Another point to consider is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to predict the future and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dire
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "from". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences from
nature catastrophes. Take
for example
South-east Asia countries, they created the most efficient alarm system from typhoons and hurricanes after the most terrible typhoon in 2009 which took away more than 300 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in our state-of-the-art technologies for future generation as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
catastrophes.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Every culture, throughout time, has recorded it history in one way or another. In what ways can history be passed on to the next generation? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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