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Many people think hosting as international sporting event is beneficial to a country, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Many people think hosting as international sporting event is beneficial to a country, while others disagree. v. 2
It is thought by some that it is advantageous for a country that held international sport events while there are others who argue with this statement. In my opinion, although country spend tremendous amount of money for holding sport events, I consider that worldwide sport events are beneficial for a country as they become more popular. On the one hand, it is often thought by many people that countries have to spend huge amount of money on preparation works for international sport events. These is because cities are usually do not ready to accept many people, and they have to improve transport system, housing and sport facilities. For example, Russian Federation had to build up many new sport facilities and hotels for short period of time, many private houses were demolished to make a way for new hotels and sport villages. On the other hand, according to some people, the country might become more popular after such big worldwide sport events, as a result more and more people may visit that countries and spend there their money and I agree. The Country become popular around the world while sport events being held there as many people watch these events on TV and they become familiar for them. For instance, according to recent research there was a 20% increase of tourists who visited Russian Federation after Football world cup event was held there. In conclusion, although host countries spend huge amount of money in order to prepare for worldwide sport events, I believe that it is beneficial as it helps country to become attractive for many people.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that it is advantageous for a
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country
that held international
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sport
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events
while there are others who argue with this statement. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
tremendous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for holding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, I consider that worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are beneficial for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more popular.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on preparation works for international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean: "This is" or "These am", "These are", "These aren"?
These is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
cities are
usually
Consider using a past participle here: "done".
do
not ready to accept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
, and they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
transport system, housing and
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sport
facilities.
For example
, Russian Federation had to build up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities and hotels for short period of time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
were demolished
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a way for new hotels and
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sport
villages.

On the other hand
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
, the
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country
might
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become
more popular after such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
,
as a result
more and more
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people
may visit that
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countries
and
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spend
there their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. The
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Country
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become
popular around the world while
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sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
being held
there as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these
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events
on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
TV and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
familiar for them.
For instance
, according to recent research there was a 20% increase of tourists who visited Russian Federation after Football world cup
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
was held
there.

In conclusion
, although host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to prepare for worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, I believe that it is beneficial as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
attractive for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think hosting as international sporting event is beneficial to a country, while others disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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