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The table below gives details of world electricity production by renewable sources in the four years between 2009 and 2012. v.1

The table below gives details of world electricity production by renewable sources in the four years between 2009 and 2012. v. 1
IT IS OFTEN SAID BY PUBLIC THAT THEY ARE SHOULD NOT ALLOWED TO SMOKE AT BUSY AREAS LIKE SHOPPING MALL, TRANSIT, PLAYGROUND AND SO ON. BECAUSE IT'S SMOKE IS DANGEROUS FOR THE INDIVIDUAL WHO SMOKES AND THE SURROUNDED PUBLIC WHO UNKNOWINGLY INHALING THAT HAZARDOUS FUME. THE FOLLOWING ESSAY WILL TOTTALY CONCURE ABOUT FORBBIDING THE SMOKING I GENERAL PLACES DUE TO VARIOUS REASONS WHICH WILL BE DISCUSS BELOW. THE FOR MOST CAUSE TO INHIBIT THE SMOKING IS THAT, IT HAS DEVASTING EFFECT ON A PERSON'S HEALTH WHO SMOKES AND PEOPLE AROUND HIM. TO ELABORATE, MIST CONTAINS NICOTINE FUME WHICH IS GOING INSIDE THE LUNGS THROUGH BREATHING AND TAKING IN BY SMOKER. THAT FUMES SLOWDOWN THE LUNGS ACTIVITY AND IN LONG TERM IT MIGHT END UP HAVING SERIOUS DISEASE LIKE PNEMONIA, CANCER, ASTHMA ETC. FOR AN EXAMPLE, RESEARCH DONE BY CANCER SPECIALISTS SHOWED THAT MOST CANCER PATIENTS ARE THODE WHO SMOKE FREQUENTLY AND 30% ARE THE ONE WHO INHALE THE EXHAUST AT SOME POINT IN SOMEWHERE. IN ADDITION TO THIS THIS HABIT ALSO AFFECTS THE NATIONS ECONOMY. TO ILLUSTRATE, WHEN ONE GETS MAJOR DISEASES SUCH AS CANCER HIS/HER HOSPITAL ECOMOMY INCREASES AND THIS GIVES MORE BURDEN ON THE HEALTH INSURANCE COMPANIES. AS A RSULT GOVERNMENT ALSO NEED TO ACT IN SOME WAY TO COMPANSATE WITH THIS EXPENDITURE AND THEY RISE THE TAX. DUE TO HIGH TAXES YOUGH GETS A MORE PRESSURE. FOR AN INSTANCE, WHEN ONE OF MY RELATIVE GOT A CANCER HE HAD TO CLAIM THE INSURANCE FOR HIS EXPENSIVE TREATMENT. SO JUST LIKE THAT RELATIVE MANY PEOPLE ARE BEING ADMITTED FOR SOME REASON AND ITS CAUSE IS THE SMOKING. THUS NOWADAYS GOVERNMENT HAS INCREASED TAX ALOT ON MOST OF THE THINGS TO PAY OFF. TO SUM UP, AT THE END IT AFFECTS ALLMOST EVERYONE ON SOMEWAY. HENCE, IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO RESTRICK THE SMOKING IN THE PUBLIC PLACES TO AVOID THE HARM TO OTHER FOLKS TOO.
IT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OFTEN
SAID BY PUBLIC THAT THEY ARE SHOULD NOT
The verb 'SHOULD' requires the base form of the verb: "allow"
ALLOWED
TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SMOKE
AT BUSY AREAS LIKE SHOPPING MALL, TRANSIT, PLAYGROUND AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
ON.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
IT'S
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SMOKE
IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DANGEROUS
FOR THE INDIVIDUAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SMOKES
AND THE SURROUNDED PUBLIC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
UNKNOWINGLY
INHALING THAT HAZARDOUS FUME. THE FOLLOWING ESSAY WILL
Possible spelling mistake found.
TOTTALY
Possible spelling mistake found.
CONCURE
ABOUT
Possible spelling mistake found.
FORBBIDING
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SMOKING
I GENERAL PLACES DUE TO VARIOUS REASONS WHICH WILL BE
Consider using the past participle "discussed"?
DISCUSS
BELOW.

THE FOR MOST CAUSE TO INHIBIT THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SMOKING
IS THAT, IT HAS
Possible spelling mistake found.
DEVASTING
EFFECT ON A PERSON'S HEALTH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SMOKES
AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
AROUND HIM. TO ELABORATE, MIST CONTAINS NICOTINE FUME WHICH IS GOING INSIDE THE LUNGS THROUGH BREATHING AND TAKING IN BY SMOKER. THAT FUMES SLOWDOWN THE LUNGS ACTIVITY AND IN LONG TERM IT MIGHT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
END
UP HAVING SERIOUS DISEASE LIKE
Possible spelling mistake found.
PNEMONIA
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CANCER
, ASTHMA ETC.

FOR AN EXAMPLE, RESEARCH DONE BY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CANCER
SPECIALISTS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOWED
THAT MOST
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CANCER
PATIENTS ARE
Possible spelling mistake found.
THODE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SMOKE
FREQUENTLY
AND 30% ARE THE ONE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WHO
INHALE THE EXHAUST AT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
POINT IN SOMEWHERE.
IN ADDITION
TO
Possible typo: you repeated a word
THIS THIS
HABIT
ALSO
AFFECTS THE NATIONS ECONOMY. TO ILLUSTRATE, WHEN ONE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GETS
MAJOR DISEASES SUCH AS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CANCER
HIS/HER HOSPITAL
Possible spelling mistake found.
ECOMOMY
INCREASES AND THIS GIVES MORE BURDEN ON THE HEALTH INSURANCE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COMPANIES
. AS A
Possible spelling mistake found.
RSULT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
ALSO
NEED TO ACT IN
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
WAY TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
COMPANSATE
WITH THIS EXPENDITURE AND THEY RISE THE TAX. DUE TO HIGH TAXES
Possible spelling mistake found.
YOUGH
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GETS
A MORE PRESSURE. FOR AN INSTANCE, WHEN ONE OF MY RELATIVE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOT
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CANCER
HE HAD TO CLAIM THE INSURANCE FOR HIS EXPENSIVE TREATMENT.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
LIKE THAT RELATIVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
ARE
BEING ADMITTED
FOR
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
REASON AND ITS CAUSE IS THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SMOKING
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THUS
NOWADAYS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
HAS INCREASED
Possible spelling mistake found.
TAX ALOT
ON MOST OF THE THINGS TO PAY OFF.

TO SUM UP, AT THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
END
IT AFFECTS
Possible spelling mistake found.
ALLMOST
EVERYONE ON SOMEWAY.
HENCE
, IT IS A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IDEA
TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
RESTRICK
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SMOKING
IN THE PUBLIC PLACES TO AVOID THE HARM TO OTHER FOLKS TOO.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The table below gives details of world electricity production by renewable sources in the four years between 2009 and 2012. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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